Cruel Game

'Do you want to shut up?'

Now, it's not in my nature to gloat

(no, no, far from it)

But I could have beaten them

One-armed, one-legged,

With a balti pie in the left hand, cigarette in the right,

And a chihuahua at centre-back

With Geoffrey Boycott's mother in goal.

Who are ya? Who are ya?

I'm the best.

'Yeah.

And I just ate your last pasty.'