Scratch the Surface

If I pulled the same s**t on you,
You wouldn’t take it.
If I pulled the same talk on you,
You’d walk away,
Wouldn’t be standing here having this same
Conversation,
In fact I’d be blocked and talked down on and hated.
But since tables are turned and it’s me on the defense,
You can’t fathom why forgive and forget ain’t my stance.
Like a plate that was broken and glued back together, wounds mirror that and some cracks can’t be weathered, or stitched or mended with fingers crossed.
You question my love like it’s ever been lost to you.
Truth is, I’ve endured more in six months with you than both of my marriages and relationships, too.
I’m not asking perfection, both of us are broke.
I just wish I could feel like I wasn’t a joke.
Or a fool for remaining in this constant loop,
Walking on eggshells so I don’t upset you.
“I promise, I’ll change.” Is your most uttered phrase.
And everything is roses until some small change,
Decides to set off the rage that’s inside,
But with you as my shelter, I’ve nowhere to hide.
So I take the brunt, on the back, and the side, and the front, where I wear my heart and my pride.
What others can’t see is I’m screaming inside.
And wishing for how things were before,
When I would never have questioned your claims to adore me.
But broken or not, I don’t understand
How you keep breaking my heart, yet insist you’re a man.
Mistakes do repeat, but sometimes they change,
And you beg for acknowledgment again and again,
For those changes you made and replaced with new pain,
But broken promises and false truths are beginning to stain.
And I try not to look, but it’s crowding my view,
And makes me start questioning what I mean to you.
And one day, I’ll fail to remember just why,
I entrusted you with my heart, my kids and my life,
And when that day comes, I will bid you farewell,
And look forward to Heaven, since you put me through Hell.