The Human Toll

of my many drafts, the first one that i finished

All these sounds

              that come around you

when you least desire them

are buzzing in your ear                                 

                          at night when you're

busy and haven't got the time     

          They're just the sounds of me

     making it through yet another day alive,

don't worry, they'll soon enough go silent                

                 You didn't answer,

you passed the problem off                          

                 to someone who would bother,

I found a friendly face

and a helping hand                             

                             in the bottom of an empty bottle,

did that take it off your shoulders? Are you proud

of what you made me when you took away the molds

          and let me stand up on my own,

            to fall apart,

               a clay statue that hadn't set just yet,

are you happy now?      

 

And with all the good gifts God has given me,               

                         I push myself to the extreme

As far as I can go                           

          Deep into the pavement

           Passed out, wiped out, sprawled out like the bodies that I envy so

Are you proud?   

           You touched the sky

By climbing over me                  

                  When I needed you the most

Are you better now?   

Another hour spent alone           

                     Another night I'll fail to mention

When someone asks, "Son, what's wrong?"          

                   I tricked the crowds, I pulled out the plug

                  And let myself get drained away

No sleep, can't eat, why do I bother to keep breathing?                           

           All the energy I have goes into holding up this mask

A smile made of glass

And it might fool those at a distance but you're to close for that                

                        You see right through me down to the misery I keep hidden underneath

Are you proud?

You turned me into something that I wasn't so you could move on 

So you could move along and ignore the road that took you there

And celebrate the height you reached

And fail to see the forest for the trees

          And I've fallen and I can't get up

Can you help me now?       

            This has gone on long enough

     It's time to cash in on that love you say you have for me

Will you save me now?  

 I need it more than ever, I'm broken and I'm lonely and I lost the voice

I would've used to call for help

You're the only one who knows, the one whose hand I can still hold     

No, you're too proud

You're only in this for yourself and you don't need me now      

And maybe you will

         one

day

acheive

                                      the perfection

that

you

seek            

But tell me did you

                        see the face

                 of Carrie Buck

on Mother's Day?        

All the living loved their life

until you rose up from the grave                                  

                         and

                         took it all away

 

       I had it all before

On top of the world, sprawled out on the throne

     The teenage king in ecstasy,

Living charmed on wing and prayer                   

          Flying higher than the cosmonauts could dream

Mercy me, a smile like a ladder

A hand from heaven that lifted up           

All the tired eyes that felt cast down   

                   A trumpet's blare to tell them

                       "Be not afraid"

And I was proud

                     I had eclipsed the sun and then outshone it

I spared the tired king when I dethroned him                           

           I touched the sky with Icarus and caught him when he fell

I tamed the chariot of Phaeton and saved the Earth from Hell                

And I gave away my gold                       

                                When I was crowned

                  But you took away my everything

                               Serpent's hissing in my ear

Sounded like a song that I could sing along to

       And when I rose for you in greeting

                  You snatched away my throne

And you cut me out from under me                   

                And I crashed helpless to the floor

Are you happy now?

             But you are not now as I was then

I embraced the bitter and the silent                 

            and the lonely and the damned

  You scorn the ones who come to you for comfort

You saw the face of Carrie Buck on Mother's Day                

And had to look away                    

Your heart is cold               

                You sit upon your mighty throne and will not lower yourself

           To hear the cries of people running to you

             Needing you 

              And they're so loud

But you drown them out             

                         With the hissing of a snake

                               "Things didn't work the way we planned it

        But we're better now"   

      And I listen and I do not believe

But others are still seduced

So I drag myself back up again              

Not to seek the throne                       

                        But to climb the tower and reach the bells it holds

                  And sound it over and over

A human toll                    

                And it does not ring for me

       But for those others, the ones who knew no better

Who don't know better now       

Who will hear what you have done                 

And will gaze with contempt upon you                         

On your throne, and they will lower you down

To where you belong

             And I'll still be on the bell

Sounding out the memories of all the ones who came before

But other music will drown me out          

Not the hissing of your forked silver tongue             

               But the jubliation of the new king on the throne

And all the happy singing people who know better now    

Author's Note

let me know what you think, and how i can improve. thanks

Reviews

[Wunderlich]

Wow man, this is excellent. The references, metaphors, diction, style. It's all put together flawlessly. One of the best poems I've read in a long time.