A Painful Start 1

A first-person journey ending with a hopeful beginning

The air from my cracked window feels as glorious as the fact I'm racing away from wretchedness
towards stars, or so it seems. The breeze is cool enough to ease the pain in my face, but not cold
enough to make me shiver. The smell of wet sweet grass and hay is pleasant enough to make up
for the fact my cigarette tastes like rust. Not even this Coke seems to be able to rinse the taste of
blood from my mouth.
Tonight, I'm just glad I maintained my car enough to make this journey, though funds
ran short of new tires. Replacing my bright bulbs was well worth the lack of soda, which I'd have
had to leave behind anyway. The funnel of light almost reaches across the grass median to the
lane for oncoming traffic. Dew glitters on the taller bushes so that they look like great, wet spider
webs -- these make me want to smile, and smile I do, even though it hurts.
It's too bad my ears are ringing too much for me to enjoy my music thoroughly. The
doctor had said that it would subside, it is evident in minor concussions and probably would not
last very long. I had asked Officer Reed if I was safe to drive. He asked if I had driven there
safely, at which I had chuckled. The look in his eyes told me that even if I wasn't totally capable,
it would probably be forgivable. He knew as well as I that by the time I was discharged, the only
person on the road I'd be likely to hurt was myself, so it was really up to me.
My cigarette is gone and I drop it into my ashtray, eyeing my pack but knowing better. I'll need
to cut down, start saving now. God only knows when I'll be able to go back to work. The future
looms like the darkness before me, just beyond my lights, just beyond my view. I wish I didn't
fear what I can't see.
On the exit, I dim my lights and I pray Levi is still up. He had sounded tired when I'd
called him in the ER parking lot, while packing an overnight bag so I didn't have to haul
everything inside to get comfortable.
When I pull down Levi's road, I lose the argument against trusting him to stay up and

find my phone. The fifth ring scares me, almost as much as being pushed down the stairs did, but
he answers before the sixth begins.
"Hello?" His voice is almost as rough as this washboard road.
"Hey, sorry, I just wanted to be sure you were up to let me in and everything," The
words are leaking out in a rush. The stinging in my cheeks tell me my eyes are leaking too. "I'm
sorry to have asked you to stay up and all, this is such a mess. I just --"
"Didn't know anyone else with room." He finishes, a smile in his voice. "I know, you're
my girl, you're gonna be safe and it's my pleasure to be the dude to be sure of it. Don't be sorry."
His voice becomes cleaner as he speaks. He pauses and inhales, in sync with my own first drag
of a cigarette. "I'd almost say it was an honor, if it didn't imply what happened was a good
thing." Another inhale on both ends and I notice my cheeks aren't smarting so badly. "Where are
you?"
"Your road, almost there." The road evens out a bit, there are only a few more curves left.
"Okay," Springs squeak and I hear him groan a little when he stands. "The light is on
and I'm going to let Ghost out, cheer you up a bit when you get here, I think."
At the thought of the large, lively collie bounding up in greeting, I giggle. My ribs ache in
a creaky way and I long to be there already, settled and medicated. "Okay, I'm going to let you
go. See you in a bit."
"Okay."
Without him on the line, it feels lonely and colder in the cramped cab of my rather battered
car. The entrance to the property looms closer and something that had been clenched in my chest
settles a little. The property is relatively clear of bushes and trees. If it had been light out, I'd
have been able to see the donkeys grazing kitty corner to Levi's house.
The dips and curves of his driveway feel as if they're cradling me and my car. The trip here
from where I used to live has never seemed so long. Maybe because my a*s isn't the only thing
sore this time. As if on cue, summoned by thought, my cracked ribs crackle from aching embers
to flaring pain. My breath grows shallow while I slip into my usual parking spot. In my sweeping