Always on My Mind

A Story by Aryan J

Inspired by one of my favorite songs.

Tossing and turning in the bed, I was engrossed in the thought of my beautiful wife. Every single memory I spent with her, the first date, the first kiss, our vows. It felt like a film that was replaying every night. Thinking about it while sleeping, gave me an headache, but it made me happy. Made me smile
Suddenly, something took me away from those thoughts. Something, disturbed me. It felt like someone just saved me from drowning in an ocean.
‌"Hey, wake up" said my elder sister Irin. She was my cousin, here just for the sake of it,
I rose from my bed, like a dead man from his casket
"What time is it? " I asked with a gloomy voice
"8.Its Christine's funeral today, get dressed." Irin throws over my black suit and notices my blood red eyes
"When was the last time you bloody slept?" Irin said in a voice which showed that she was pretending to worry.
"Do you really care Irin? "I replied
" Look man, it is isn't your fault Christine died. Hell, I never knew someone who survived 3rd stage cancer and live 8 months. "
I wanted to take that cup of coffee and smash it right across her face, but I remained silent. I think she might have understood that I was damned pissed at her for saying such nonsense like that.
And yes, Christine was my wife.
With not being able to cry and still want to, I got up from my bed, went to the bathroom, with all the anguish and fear, thinking about how my wife kept this mind sane. It's always nice to know that you aren't unwanted in this planet, you are loved and you are needed in someone's life. It did not make sense anymore.
I wore the suit that was destined to be my funeral dress. Well honestly it was stitched during the time my wife was alive. I could still smell her perfume on it. I remembered how she tied my tie every morning lovingly.

I walked into the funeral room, I saw my wife's casket open, she seemed free of all the chemotherapy she had to go through. Suddenly, a person hugged me from behind
" I am so sorry for Christina, she was an angelic soul. "
"Well, thank you.Its Christine by the way"I replied
The room was full of people I haven't met in life, they were not present at my wedding and they were present here? Does my wife's funeral mean a gathering of people or the fact that I have to say good bye to the only person who loved me?
I greeted the priest of the church. He was there when I was baptized, when I got married and now at my wife's funeral.
"It's a tremendous loss that you have to go through Tony, I am so sorry, but you have to understand, that she is now with God in heaven. " He said while trying to comfort my already broken soul
"Thank you father, thank you for everything"
The funeral car left for the graveyard and my heart pounded by just thinking of the fact that this would be the last time I am seeing my wife. She would be gone and her smile, her very existence would be erased from my life. I wanted to cry but could not. ..
We reached the graveyard, where I saw that the assembly of the dead was waiting for me, I came out of my car, took out a photo of Christine and me, and place it on her chest.
The priest opened his Bible, and started saying a Carol that Christine always loved
"”In the bleak mid-winter Frosty wind made moan; Earth stood hard as iron, Water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, In the bleak mid-winter Long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold Him Nor earth sustain, Heaven and earth shall flee away When He comes to reign: In the bleak mid-winter A stable-place sufficed The Lord God Almighty �" Jesus Christ." He blessed the cross and put it around her neck. I could see the priest crying too, and I could not even shed a tear. All I could feel was an headache caused by the vitriolic emotions engulfing me.

I drove to the graveyard at midnight. Something was not right. I wanted to say this, if I didn't, I don't think I ever will be able too.
I reached the graveyard, bend on my knees, my mouth trembled as I spoke. But I had to. So I did
"I don't really know if you can hear this, but since you are gone I really wanted to say a few things. Maybe I couldnt love you,Quite as often as I could have,and maybe I didn't treat you,quite as good as I should have.If I made you feel second best i'm sorry I was blind. I guess I never told you,I am so happy that you're mine.Little things I should have said and done,I just never took the time,But you were and are always on my mind. Always on my mind. "I burst into tears and screamed "I love you" from the top of my lungs and lied next to you.
As soon as I open my eyes, I see I am in my bedroom and I am like "how did I end up here? but I heard Christine singing in the kitchen.She came into the bedroom and gave me my cup of coffee. I held her hand and asked
" Where am I? "
"Where you belong. "As she kissed me in my lips.
We wandered in the shade
And the rustle of falling leaves
A bird on the edge of a blade
Lost now forever, my love, in a sweet memory.