Ripples

It's what it is.

The river flows over empty promises

depositing sediment

in the form of confusion and stagnation

leaving a bad taste in one's mouth.

 

I hang on your every word.

 

Gritty are the grains of sand

left for inspection:

affectation over articulation;

all the better to hear you with, my dear.

 

Skim a stone across the surface

leaving ripples of insecurities

and questions past.

 

The message is clear.

Author's Note

Tell me your interpretation.

Reviews

[Tim]

A) The river flows over empty promises
depositing sediment
in the form of confusion and stagnation
leaving a bad taste in one's mouth.
I hang on your every word.

B) Grainy is the trail
of crumbs left for inspection:
affectation over articulation;
all the better to hear you with, my dear.

C) Skim a stone across the surface
leaving ripples of insecurities
and questions past.
The message is clear.

I like your poem for its metaphor but to me B doesn't seem to relate well to A and C in its arrangement. This is what I hear. Just anothers take on a good poem. Nice writing.

The river has been running over your empty promises
depositing sediment
in the form of confusion and stagnation
leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

I've hung on your every word.

Skimming a stone across the surface
the ripples leave waves of insecurities
and questions past
as though an inspection of
crumbs on your trail left only
affectation over affection;

The message is clear.

[Doreen]

I appreciate your input. Let me mull this over a bit and see how it feels.

[Tim]

No problem. It's only a suggestion. You're the writer and it's your vision not mine. I hesitated rewriting it because I know that can be a annoyance to people. I only did it because I wanted to point out what I was thinking after I read it 3 times and noticed 68 people didn't say anything. ha

[Doreen]

I still wonder why that happens. 4893 reads, 12 reviews. (okay, so I exaggerate) Hmmmm......curious.

[Doreen]

AHA! Forget what I last said. Now I see how it doesn't fit. I'll have to work on this!

[Tim]

Haha, I've written many things that didn't get any reads at all. Reviewing a lot of others helps sometimes. But whenever I see a lot of reads and very little reviews on my own work or the work of someone else, I have to ask myself why? Sometimes revising helps. It's all trial and error I suppose.

[Doreen]

You've written many things, but I only see one. (?)

[Tim]

And how did I get all those badges right? ha-ha, well, It's a long story.

[Michael X]

Some of the fastest moving currents flow out of the heart, such things as
the passion for art, this poem draws the mind to ponder life and prosperity,
and what it is that makes life worth so much, the delving nature of poetic
expression comes to full form in your words, wonderful job :)

[Anonymous Me]

um....wow. i don't even know what to say. this is really great.