"Who Am I?" [11-7-08]

If you've asked yourself "Who am I?" I hope you will read this. Just a small realization of truth. Hope it helps you.

Through the simplest and most troublesome times I've overcome and that have still yet to be answered over the last 6 years or so, the hardest question to answer would have to be, "Who am I?" Well... There's been many a time I was sure of my answer but was always thrown off when the answer changed the slightest bit.
  I, just a moment ago, realized it's nothing to be thrown off track over. Maybe I never really, truly knew who I was... or who I am. -Forget the uncertainty, I'm sure that I never really knew me. I looked too hard.   So, what's the answer? Well, there isn't a solid answer. You choose who you are. Through each obstacle in your life, you learn more. And failure? If you fail, you're still winning, because you find out what you need to work on or perfect. Which, in turn, helps you find who you really are.  
  From a distance, my life doesn't seem so tough. No real chores, just dishes every now and then. My room is always clean so no need to make it a chore. Life is good, right? -No. You know nobody has a perfect life. I'd tell you of the suckiness...but I, personally, dispise pity. 
  Finally, after many sleepless nights with an aching head resting on a tear-soaked pillow, I've decided to simply...Let it be. I design myself whenever a new question arises. 
  For the past 74 days, I've been in an inpatient facility to help me accept my life and work on my moods, along with a few other things. 
  Throughout that time, I never gave up. I urge you to do the same. Never give up. Accept things as they are and re-mold the changeable things. You cannot "fix" you or your life. -It wasn't necessarily "broken" to begin with. 
  Whatever specific parto of you you're unsure of, don't ask yourself who you are. -Tell yourself who you want to be and make it reality. You can do Anything that you put your mind to. 
  As for me? At the moment, I've come to love my Mother dearly. I see her faults but I also see how hard she's working to better herself.  I'm extremely stubborn and am proud of it. I will be an organ donor. I won't vote for fear of the guilt I'd withhold if the person I chose was the wrong choice in some area. I love cooking and baking from scratch, looking at the stars and sunsets and Fall trees, but words are my strength. I will die with a pen in my right hand and my poetry in front of me.
  Ah, and my completely disarranged family... with or without the drugs or cursing or just plain stupid and irresponsible acts, I wouldn't change it for the world. Though disarranged and slightly disturbed, my family is anything but disfunctional.
  Older siblings that rarely show themselves...dispite their mistakes, they're perfect. I'd give my life for each and every one of them. I'm proud to call my family mine. There's much pride in my voice when I stand and claim ownership of these perfectly imperfect beings.
  A few solid things about me is my honesty, passion for photography and poetry, and my strong will to Always keep my word.

   May every hardship be just another pebble that makes up your road to pure happiness.

 
    Sincerely yours,
      Kalisa Gatlin