Disassociation

They tell me to pray,
that He is always listening,
but God is blue from love
and my hands have forgotten
how to hold.

God of moths,
    God of the lonely,
        God of scalp and skin
                and rust.

I like staring at hymns,
    not reading them,
but watching as if they'll
sneeze or turn into tiny birds.

I started out deep blue,
    but I've faded to grey

and they keep opening my mouth,
   trying to pull out prayers,
   but they had already flown away

like birds from an olive tree.

Author's Note

hmmm bluebirds or simply birds?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

What an interesting concept... The idea of religion woven into a tapestry of internal lament and broken hope. This is a great metaphor that I can truly relate to. So many "God fearers" out there, and yet we all need something to believe in; that is the rub, I think. Well written in form and concept.

[eglantine]

merci as always!

[Leslie Philibert]

What I like here is the emphasis on a old Testament, savage God with negative imagery like rust and scalps, a fine write with a perfect stanzaic balance and a great penulitimate tercet. If there is a line I don`t like it is maybe ( the last ). I notice in my own work I tend to try and employ a dramatic end that makes a poetic point; maybe more understatement at the end of a poem makes a better effect than a big last line.But don`t change it, I am often wildly wrong in my judgements !

[eglantine]

Yes, I have been debating that last line. Thanks for your input!

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i really relate to this. next weekend i'm going to meet with a group of friends i knew 40 years ago. at that time we were all zealots, true believers. at this upcoming meeting, i will be the lone heretic and i fear they will be trying to pry prayers from me as well. this may not be the context your poem came from, but it hit me dead on.
as always, i love your use of symbolism and your choice of words. your talent always astounds me.

[eglantine]

Oh, have fun with that! Thanks for reading, as always.

[Jack...]

I know this is the totally wrong word for the theme of this poem but I found it extremely charming. The feel of the words and phrases were not unlike satin or silk, the meter was of soft heartbeat allowing time to breathe and ponder... now the theme, it is hard to trust what you hear when you see things quite to the contrary. I love the staring at hyms line, but I honestly can not pick out one or two lines I really like better than any others, I loved the whole thing. Very, very good my friend.

[eglantine]

charming? lol You explain your reasoning well though. Thank you for reviewing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i was weighing the whole "i" vs "I" thing too...but then settled on your purpose being on even terms with God...sort of like Dickinson( and this poem is very Emily in its attitude towards God)---it is equal footing with a deity you struggle to believe in...

look up to, etc.

as she struggled...the wording is so good in this...the phrasing.."i started out deep blue/ but I've faded to grey"

i felt the religion thing, wanted to feel it...but now it is grey and hazy and distant...something i cannot clearly see nor believe.

really like this, egglantine..

jacob

[eglantine]

Hm, yes I did debate the "i" vs "I," especially since it is not uncommon for me to use "i" in poetry. But it looks like you picked up on why I chose to stick with "I" :)

[ChemicalMadness]

i'm also a fan of using color the way you have here, especially in the first stanza...really liked the 3rd stanza, with the idea of conjuring magic by simply staring and something that is supposed to hold such power, it gives us an innocence, a child-like perspective hidden inside of a very adult work. i would like to see the juxtaposition of a lowercase "i" vs. the capitalized God and He....i think that provides a much more stark contrast, thought I know you play around with sometimes-capitalization, so I'm assuming you already weighed your options there and deliberately went with "I" over "i". There is a sort of frantic and frenzied overtone to the 5th, as others seem to huddle and work over you, attempting to find what is not there...almost as if they don't believe those prayers could not exist, so they'll exhaust themselves looking....you must, you have to, you need to, etc. there's a lot at play here and you did not disappoint.
CM.

[eglantine]

CM,

Glad you picked up on all of that and yes, I did decide to go with "I" vs "i"
read moreCM,

Glad you picked up on all of that and yes, I did decide to go with "I" vs "i"

Thanks for stopping by, I always appreciate your comments.

[Pól]

Really enjoyed this, Eggy.
Does the penultimate sentence need to be reworked?