Crash

A poem I wrote a very long time ago, during a rough stage in my life when I had been consumed by drugs & alcohol and stood in absolute hatred of the establishment. I've since recovered from that stage, I've been sober for almost two years. Woot. The

We've come too late, the time has come,
to drown our faith in vodka and rum,
To turn our backs on all we can,
We cannot see their master plan,

Nobody has to care anymore,
While we're walking through that door,
We're taking all our things away,
We don't look back on yesterday.

Sweaty mouse, sticky keyboard,
Stained by a virtual w***e,
Clench our fists and close our eyes,
We're lost in an evanescent paradise.

Consumed by sorrow,
Who can live to see tomorrow,
All alone, and we don't know why,
We're stemmed by consciousness, we're rigged to die.

Psychadelia rainbow swirl,
lock and key and light unfurled,
Scene with iron and candle mirth,
Giving way to the Savior's birth.

Deep within, stitched with lace,
Our eyes, our mouths, our whole face,
Cannot see this master plan,
End it all, this life of man.

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

I really dig this. Great work with the rhyme, and there's only one thing I would change about it. The following staza is out of this world, but I'd change the last two lines because they're far too similar to a song by Green Day, called Longview. Normally this would be no big deal, but as popular as the band is, it's almost as though you're paying them tribute.
"Sweaty mouse, sticky keyboard,
Stained by a virtual w***e,
Clench our fists and close our eyes,
We're lost in an evanescent paradise."

Green Day's Longview lyrics:
"Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise"

It's not as though you've plagiarized the song, but again, because the band and song is so popular that you may want to think about changing it up a bit, unless you want the reader to be reminded of Green Day's song.

Otherwise, this is a write is glass and I'm glad I read it. Nice going!

[L.M. Spurrell]

You are way too related to me.....

I liked the form and the use of words. The message has also been imparted well.

Good write.