Believe Me, Not The Words I Say

The beginning of my journey to find myself through writing, after 10 years of being afraid and being secluded within myself

Believe me, and not the words I say.

A lot of it is true but a lot of it is hidden too.

I am but a boy, still learning how to talk. In this road that we call life, I can barely walk.

I speak spoken words, but its meaningless at times. I speak not the truth but what seems appropriate at the time. 

I've been molded, I am clay. I'm someone who can't say.

I spout words but they're just words. I speak nonesense all the way.

I can't tell what I feel, what I see in my mind. I feel like im always left behind.

I envy the people who can smile because they feel it. I smile just to smile, a facade i can see it.

I know I dont mean it, speaking words without feeling. 

But I'm mechanized to do it, I feel like time is now fleeting.

I need to, i have to, If I wish to grow. 

I need to look to my self cause i know

I'm not a boy anymore, but I am no man. 

-E.L.C.A

Author's Note

I am a non native English speaker, if you have any notes on grammar and sentence structure feel free to do so. I need to learn it more since I am out of school and have no real way of practicing it.