MEDIOCRITY IS NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW

Why I pulled my sons out of school...

We recently moved back to the city after spending eight years down on the Mornington Peninsula. You’ve probably never heard of it but it’s a little piece of heaven.

A large calm bay on one side, with an endless procession of large container ships and cruise lines heading for the distant port or the very narrow Heads… Rolling hills, wineries; cows, horses, and sheep in lush paddocks, and yeah, kangaroos, echidnas and other native animals.

On the other side, huge sandstone cliffs and pounding surf, rock pools and the odd whale or two passing every winter, heading north.

My children’s Primary School was directly opposite the beach. Sport included long bike rides on the path along the shore, sailing, swimming, water safety, and cross-country running. They’d often bring home these colourful certificates: “Congratulations, you came 37^th in the triathlon.” Or, “Well done, you finished 24^th in the cross country run.” I have a whole collection of these. We had quite a laugh, unpacking them at the new house.

Neither was into sports. They tried karate, table tennis, soccer, and my oldest boy even joined the local footy team for a season. He sucked at it. The team sucked. Not only did they not win a match all year, they also failed to score a single goal. Big fat zeros week after week, in the rain and the mud.

Sometimes I stood on the rail surrounding the field, near the coach. Often I was the ‘orange’ mum, handing out oranges cut into quarters during the breaks in play. My son I think was around twelve at the time. The ‘coach’ was father to one of the players.

I’ve always been competitive by nature. As is my brother, who has now reached the pinnacle in his chosen sport. I’m not one of those mums though who insist on filling up their children’s free time with extra-curricular activities. Their lives are their own, not mine to dictate.

Here’s what bothers me: Mediocrity is now not only acceptable, but also encouraged. The school did this, with their colourful ‘awards’ and ‘ribbons’ for EVERY child participating.  The coach �" “Now listen here guys, we’re playing against one of the strongest teams. You won’t win, but get out there and have fun.” I actually heard him say that!

Eager young faces drooped. How the hell do you play a game you are told you will lose in advance? Where’s the fun in that? I pulled the coach up, after hearing several versions of this message.

“Um, shouldn’t you be encouraging them to win? You know, firing them up, inspiring them maybe? They haven’t won a bloody game for weeks!”

“It’s not about winning at this age!” He was reprimanding me! “That’s why we don’t start showing a ladder until they’re over fourteen.” (A ladder meaning showing where the team sits during a season, including wins/losses, points/goals and other statistics.)

“It is about winning you moron!” I actually said that! My son was constantly receiving the message: ‘It’s not about who wins, it’s about having fun’. It bothered me. Of course he quit at the end of the season, after lining up to get his ‘participation trophy’ and ‘not missing a game’ award. I don’t think he saw the fun of it like the coach had promised?

So when did we start treating children like they will break or need therapy if we don’t applaud their mediocrity? I remember when I was growing up, there were only ever three ribbons: First (blue), Second (red), Third (green). You either won and got a trophy or you lost and got nothing. If your school-work was unsatisfactory you failed subjects. Sometimes you had to repeat a year.

Now everyone gets something. “Congratulations, you finished last.” In and out of school, the message is the same: Good on you, you’re awesome, here’s your reward for trying. No one fails any more, no one is made to repeat a year, at least in this country.

I think ahead and wonder where the future leaders, the innovators, the free-thinkers will come from. Certainly not from this bunch of highly decorated and yet appallingly mediocre kids.

Not from teachers who write “Great effort” and ignore the dozen or so spelling mistakes or miscalculations. Nor from the coaches who say “It’s okay. You lost the game, but you had fun out there, right?”

Life is not “fun”. Life is tough; full of pain, loss, suffering and tragedy. Life is also filled with adventure, beauty, wonder and mystery. These kids are ill-equipped to handle the first and ill-prepared to seek the latter.

“But we can’t hurt their feelings!” one teacher said when I pulled her up on an essay with several ignored mistakes written by my youngest son. I asked her to cross out the “Well done” and instead highlight the errors and tell my son he needed to bring it back with the mistakes corrected.  She refused. “It’s not about the errors, it’s the fact he tried his best!”

How could she ever know what my son’s “best” was, if she continued to encourage his ‘less than best’?

My oldest boy got ‘detention’ for correcting his English teacher. True! He put his hand up to point out that a word she’d written on the board was incorrect. She didn't like his "insubordination". He also got detention for putting one foot on a garden bed, which was ‘out of bounds’, in a system where obedience is valued more than knowledge. 

I pulled them out of school and out of all ‘supervised’ activities.  Unschooled them as such; leaving them in charge of their own education. 

Have I ruined their lives? If their lives were destined to be lived in cubicles, where their mediocrity continued to be encouraged and where obedience and unquestioning adherence to the ‘rules’ mattered more than creativity and initiative, then sure, I have.

If however, freedom of thought, freedom of choice and the courage to question, seek understanding and explore life beyond the cubicle leads them to wondrous adventures and endless possibilities, then I say screw the system.  

Mediocrity is not okay right now. Or ever.

Reviews

[Stefano Segnan]

I've been musing about mediocrity for the last couple of months. I tend to both agree and disagree with what you wrote. I disagree in the part that sport is not about fun. When I was younger, my sport was sailing. And I never loved competition (nor I do today), and I never wanted to go to regattas, or do competitive training. All I desired was sail on my own and enjoy the wind and the sea. Due to this, my sailing skill were even less than mediocre.
However, I do agree that mediocrity is not okay and shouldn't be encouraged but this depends on the mindset of the individual. I cannot come and say "hello, I'm poet" while knowing that I still lack in style and rhythmic skills. A conscious person won't accept "mediocrity" (awards for example) or critique/review or whatever that merely inflates the ego and tends to put the person in the herd of mediocrity. It simply won't influence them.
This reminds me of the film Amadeus, where in the end the narrator (the composer Salieri) comparing himself to Mozart declares himself the king of mediocrities and goes to absolve all other mediocrities around.
I admire your strong will, and I imagine it was not easy to keep your principles in this whirlwind of "opposite principles".

[Elise Anton]

I guess my point about the sport part was that those children were constantly being told they were "not good enough" but that this was okay. I witnessed a whole season of demoralising comments, and the effects of these on the boys. They didn't try on the field, they simply accepted the fact they were not good enough. It wasn't about the 'competition' it was about instilling in them the belief that they did not need to try..
Same deal with the school teachers. We see the results now.
Re the "hello I'm a poet", I disagree. Writing is subjective. All forms of artistic expression are subjective. I am of the belief that one cannot 'learn' to write. Sure, you can improve grammar/syntax etc through practice and advice from others but the writing itself is not like a subject that can be learned. Words may flow, they may be sporadic, they may need to at times be wrenched or torn from your mind. One person may interpret those words as splotches and incoherent mumblings, comparable to some modern art. Another may interpret them as creative genius, seeing in the splotches magnificent patterns and shapes. Like I said, subjective.
Mediocrity is the bane of our existence. I see it so often here. People afraid to voice their opinions, oohhing and aahhing instead because everyone else is.

I admire you for speaking honestly. May you always question, challenge and muse. Thank you!

[Stefano Segnan]

Alright, I interpreted the sport part wrongly, It was about encouraging mediocrity from the trainer and/or teacher. It is clear now and I agree with you.
Writing is indeed subjective, but if you quit all forms of that art, for example poetry, you are not writing it, you are writing prose vertically. It's like having a band of four performing a song. Taking out the metre is like taking out drums and percussion. You take out assonance, you take out the bass. Just guitar and singing left, still a good song! But if you take out rhyme, you take out the lead guitar. You take other poetic forms (alliteration, anadiplosis and so on) you take out the singing. Is that band capable of performing a song? No,it's not a band doing music anymore, it's not even a cappella singing. This is way, in most poetry mediocrity is encouraged. Have you ever listened to a song where there is no rhythm at all? It would hurt your ears, but there is almost no music without rhythm. Why then should writing (same example poetry) be an exception? Aren't words but notes we pronounce? Why music has a high standard but writing does not? Because most are capable of typing and using a pen, but not a violin. And so mediocrity is encouraged in writing.

[Stefano Segnan]

[continued] I hit post comment before ending (: - thank you for the replay. Just a note: I'm not talking about other forms of art because I do not know about them, just writing (and music).

[Elise Anton]

Like you, I agree but also disagree. My oldest boy, almost eighteen has decided to learn how to play the guitar. Last night, he showed me a video of a guy who plays a guitar with just one string. Beautiful sound despite my reluctance to see it, just strumming one string.
Where I agree with you re poetry is that words are indeed notes. Some poems float into your mind like a melody. Some jar, like a kid practicing his first violin notes... The subjective part for me is perhaps more of a personal preference. I am not too fond of rhyming poems. I prefer prose poetry. Others are the opposite. Is one better than the other? I have my own style. Is it good? Is it bad? How can one possibly pass judgement on another's ephemeral musings?

[Stefano Segnan]

Aye, but isn't all about personal preference? Some trainers want the kids they train to enjoy themselves and not win. Some want them to win and not enjoy themselves. For someone it's important the message or the intention and not how it's delivered; I've read many good things in the most broken language and it still was good. And I agree that people can enjoy different styles like prose poetry, for I am one of those people. The issue for me is that writing can be honed and perfected within its form, but people discourage this by saying that raw/rough works lacking in style and language are good, which does not incite the writer to improve himself. Poetry can have different forms, but what makes it different from prose is its musicality, the different flow, resonance and cadence.
If they are merely ephemeral musings, sure, write however you want. The question is: do you want to improve, do you want to learn? If not, then yes mediocrity suits the person well. Methinks, however, that this mediocrity is why the quality of everything is decreasing by the day.

[Elise Anton]

Damn, how is it possible to agree and disagree at the same time? Sure, I'm in the middle of editing one book and writing another. THOSE I hone and fine-tune and perfect, almost to the point of chasing my tail.
Short pieces though and poetry, I write without editing at all. They write themselves, short bursts of emotion or pain or loss... any amount of triggers. I cannot change any of the words for that would mean interfering with something that has come from beyond me. I said ephemeral because poetry especially, at least to me, is like being visited by words, and I am merely the conduit, recording them.
I agree that mediocrity has crept into literature. Maybe I blame sites like this and wattpad etc, where the emphasis is on getting reviews and awards and followers and likes blah blah. It's not about WHAT you write so much as about how you sell/market yourself, in the push to have more of the above. A strange kind of competitiveness has crept in and everyone is obsesses with again, all of the above. I'm new here, and starting to understand the "If you scratch my back then I'll scratch yours" routine. As I said earlier, I have yet to see anyone brave enough to offer a 'just' review. I feel increasingly inclined to do the same and it saddens me.

[Stefano Segnan]

Indeed. Sites like this focus on the marketing of the self and not about increasing the experience or writing capacity of the writer. Constructive reviews are rare but there are exceptions. It is strange to both agree and disagree at the same time, but this duality of things has haunted me for all my life.
Editing a flow of words is usually not a good thing (except for grammar) and I agree with you there. Nonetheless, if one practices this flow, it is going to improve automatically without the need of further editing or changing. Once you learned something you cannot simply forget it. It's like driving. You can change the car, and the experience changes (more comfortable for example), but the mechanic of driving it's the same and it comes out naturally. But how can someone learn if nobody points out mistakes or incites them to pursue the good aspects they already know? Furthermore, if you are unwilling to improve yourself then it's the same.
I am glad we are having this conversation.

[Elise Anton]

Hmmm... and I say this after only a few hours sleep and only because I have a very real example: In High School I was geat at Art. So good in fact I received a scholarship to study at an Arts College. My parents forbade it and istead forced me to finidh High School and then go on to University where I studied Behavioural Science... Anyway. I never picked up a brush or even a crayon since.
Last month, needing to step back for a bit before tackling some major editing, I decided to paint again. I bought canvasses and paints and brushes... I sucked. It was awful. I tried different mediums but everything was so bad, compared to the pieces I had kept - and my own judgement - that I stopped. I thought it would be like riding a bike or as you say, driving a car.
So yeah, in this instance my abandoning it resulted in it abandoning me.
Writing on the other hand has been with me since my first scribbles in mum's cook-books. So yes, you could say I have been practicing for a very long time. I've never published anything, never attended any classes and only very recently made the decision to 'put it out there'. So I've had no 'reviews' or 'constructive criticism' or any other interference. Have I improved? I have no idea. Sure, with age/experience/reading, my mind grew , resulting in exploration of deeper concepts and access to a far richer vocabulary. Yet I can go back twenty years and read a pece and stare at it in wonder still. Agree/disagree... Do I need the validation of others? Will their constructive criticism result in improvement? Most writers are vain by default. We all secretly think we are the One. If I were to receive criticism I might even take offence.
I read a lot of young writers. I compare them to myself at that age. The only glaring difference is a technical one. Grammar/punctuation/syntax etc. This for me is where mediocrity comes into play. The idea that a twenty year old cannot distinguish the difference between there and their or its and it's... It goes back to the present system, the instilled belief that near enough is good enough, here's your gold star...
Their ideas and stories are magnificent yet when expressed on paper, their lack of this technical knowledge results in what I call manufactured mediocrity. Not their fault...

[Stefano Segnan]

I do not know if it's their fault or not. To measure the other person we mostly use ourselves, so it's hard to blame as it is hard not to blame. I do not question the will of the writer to express himself or the message he is trying to say, if someone doesn't like something there will be a way to avoid reading it. The part that troubles me is using forms that are that way for a certain reason, abusing them, but not abiding by their elementary rules. Such as rhythm in poetry. If somebody wants to write something, he/she should at least try to retain some part of that form. You cannot have a rock song if you use a DJ mixset. One can invent a new gender, and I'm fine with it. But one cannot decrease the standard of rock because he/she does not know how to play the guitar or drums and is unwilling to learn it. If it's easier to learn a DJ mixset, that doesn't mean one should do rock or classical music with it.
It is true that one can forget how to do things. But you cannot unlearn your memories and experience. Last time I played a classical guitar was ten years ago, and hadn't touched till two months ago. I was rusty as hell. It was almost as learning from scratch. But after only two months I have regained much of the proficiency I had long ago. That is just perseverance and patience. It is a different matter if you have superseded it or lost the will to do it.
Aye, I agree that writers are vain by default. I probably am too. But as an avid reader and bookworm, I want to keep mediocrity out of writing.
Personally, I can tell that constructive opinions and reviews helped me a lot. Even though they are rare, I feel they improved my writing skills.
And, I hope I wasn't the cause of your lack of sleep.

[Elise Anton]

Ha ha! I had this routine see, go to sleep at eight, wake sometime between two and three in the morning. Write. This pattern unchanged for years. No one needed me those hours, no one intruded into what I called MY time. Unless of course dad had a fall during those hours which necesitated calls to emergency and waiting in hospital rooms...
Then I began to question my isolation. Even considered that i was being selfish, not engaging, not sharing...
So here I am. In just a few days my routine is shot. I discovered see, that I like the interaction! So yes, you and a few others WERE the cause, and my bleary eyes this morning suggest a Mediterannean-style nap later today.
Having said that, I must also express gratefulness. My routine may be busted and needing re-adjustment but the conversations... Why would I ever willingly choose sleep over those? So thank you ;)

[Stefano Segnan]

Glad to hear they are having a positive effect in the end. Many people need a time on their own, I could not endure a week if I didn't have at least one day to walk around the city or in the mountains and wonder and wander. This can last for weeks, mostly because I am unable to do the small talk with friends (I am grateful to exceptions) and I work from home. But here on the Internet, you can meet splendid people and have exquisite conversations and interactions. If I take a subject like this to my acquaintances I am derogatorily called philosopher, metaphysicist or poet. Ah, once the epitome of spiritual development today they embody the notion of complication and boredom.
So yes, for me these conversations are quite salubrious for the soul even if, at times, they are not healthy for the body (:

[Elise Anton]

We moved from what I called paradise back to suburbia. No hikes up the hill to magnificent views, no walks along endless beaches... I wonder how pwoplw endure entire lifetimes living in the city, really.
My one friend who could talk about the subjects you speak of died. He was the only one whose eyes didn't glaze over. I've given up on everyone else. I move in circles where what matters is upward mobility. I'm the odd one...