The Savage

You always caught

those words that flew

and others could not reach

from me.

You always smiled

when life collisions

brought you back

to me.

Mostly

you always looked

and sought the truth

and spoke the truth

within me.

I miss the savage

in your soul.

Reviews

[J3ssInJupit3r]

I liked the repetition of the word "me" in every stanza, I don't know if you purposely did that, but it had a great affect. Also, I enjoyed the first line "you always caught those words that flew and others could not reach from me". It reminds me of my love becuase he always seems to know what I am trying to say when I start to stutter or trip over my words. So I really connected with this. Thank you for sharing.

[Elise Anton]

Spot on with the first line! The me me me I only noticed afterwards, but kind of liked myself also. Thank you for taking the time to read!

[andrew mitchell]

What can I say I loved this profound deep write that lies deep within heartstrings pulled. Really Nice Elise!

[Érenn]

Now many have pointed out the "me" part and the first verse which is very nice, but for me though, I preferred your third verse the most, because that one really struck a chord with me, with the use of Mostly it became very similar to what I have experienced before. Thank you for sharing. ^^ As usual I can only comment on the emotional part only ^^

[Elise Anton]

I cannot write 'poetry' unless my heart and mind are bleeding. I can spin off prose without reason. But the few lines sometimes capture the moment more eloquently and realistically than a wall of words lol. Thanks for reading :)

[Hyacinth]

This is fantastic! The flow of the words is perfect.
'You always smiled when life collisions brought you back to me'
That line conveys so much in so little.
I think that you might have a new fan!

[Elise Anton]

Thank you so much! We had quite a lot of those collisions... You know the kind of person who is there, maybe you see them the next day or a month, even a year later and you just pick up the conversation like no time has passed? It was like that. Hard to find someone who at some point doesn't 'judge' you. Who sees beneath the surface...

[Woody]

ok you want the good or the bad news first? fine. good news it is.
I simply love this poem. in its simplicity, its smoothness. really beautiful.
noww the bad news is that it lacks a rhyme. I don't know whether it is out of laziness or anything else.
it is beautiful but with a rhyme, it would be sumptuous.
sorry. I'm not usually this blunt but you did push me, didn't you?
TARAAA!

[Elise Anton]

You always caught
those words that flew
and others wrought
from me to slew.

You always smiled
when life collisions
brought you styled
with indecisions

Mostly
you always looked
and sought the truth
and spoke the truth
decidedly

I miss the savage
in your ravage
and the whole
within your soul.

Better Woody???

[Woody]

Goodness almighty!!! now you're talking! bloody hell, 10 times better. what in God's name got into you to drop the rhyme in the first place?

[Elise Anton]

I just rhymed it now! It felt kinda weird making it up but it made me giggle, so thank you :)

[Woody]

you are one talented lady! I wish you'd always rhyme your poems.

[Elise Anton]

What you want me to go through several hundred and find rhyming words? Are you SERIOUSLY saying the second one is better? Honesty please :)

[Gee]

Rewritten with a wand not quill,
a wizard with her rhyme,
Woody fell under her spell,
"My dear that is sublime"

[Woody]

oh well to each their own, as they say. I can't force you to like the things I like. pity!

[Elise Anton]

Gee, that is superb! I bow to you.
Woody, no way, sorry. Words and I have a complicated relationship. Rhyme won't solve it :(

[Woody]

do you like songs? not rap. what makes people like them and learn them? strip them of their rhyme and see the result.
for me, the rhyme is half the beauty of the poem. but that's me. probably a stick in the mud.

[Elise Anton]

I stopped listening to songs produced after the mid-eighties except doe some indie stuff. The songs before that sure, I get what you are saying,
The thing with my stuff, you can delete the spaces and merge the words and it becomes prose. (I discovered this only very recently)
So I don't even know if it is poetry per se.
My style has never changed. Point taken, I might re-visit some and look at them from a different perspective.

[Woody]

you've just said something I've been saying for a long time. I'll copy/paste.
The thing with my stuff, you can delete the spaces and merge the words and it becomes prose. thing is a lot of people seem to like it. modern poetry?

[Elise Anton]

Is it? I've been writing the same way all my life. I thought it was poetry until as I said, very recently, I used one in a book I'm writing. I looked at it, removed the lines etc and added some punctuation and voila I had a piece of prose. Sure made me pause and question!

[Woody]

proves my point.
finally someone thinks like me. Gee I feel better.

[Elise Anton]

Any time :)