Intangibility

I'm a bit rusty at free-verse, but I wanted to give it a go. Feedback is always lovely :)

Phantasmal essence, an abnormal ache so intimate

This habitual awareness borders on despair

Distorting, you wreak havoc upon perception

Conning the senses, authenticity pales

 

The looking glass lay silent, dormant to reality

No vibrant whispers, no hushed silhouettes

Nothing more but a finely filtered presence

Lingering on night’s very breath

 

Unknown to the retina, unknown to the mind

Emotions are fuelled from the blood of rationale

Tomorrow tastes so bitter, a repressed realization:

Only a figment, your hand will never reach mine.

Reviews

[Fernando Pessoa]

The thing to do with free verse is to let the imagery flood the mind of your reader, and you've done that like an artist.

Sol LeWitt: "A blind man can make art if what is in his mind can be passed to another mind in some tangible form."

[J.S. Pua]

nice..
i kind of liked this..
especially the second stanza..
great work..

[Abdul Aziz]

There are many ways in which this poem can be interpreted. I seem to get the hang of the poem with every line, but the the next line adds a new dimension. So, thank you for explaining to me what this poem is about. This is a finely worded heartfelt poem about missing.. someone! The mood of the poem is great. You make it look as though you are confused about what you're thinking, and yet, you know there's something. "Intangibility" is the best title you could have given!

"Distorting, you wreak havoc upon perception
Conning the senses, authenticity pales"
I liked the bit about wreaking havoc on perception. I think "authenticity pales" sounds a bit, um.. disjointed. It is fine if that is deliberate. But maybe you could change it if you didn't intend it, because the tense form sticks out.

"The looking glass lay silent, dormant to reality
No vibrant whispers, no hushed silhouettes"
Now this is great. "vibrant" whipsers, and "hushed" silhouettes. Great descriptions.

The last line of the poem, for me, is the most significant.
"Only a figment, your hand will never reach mine."
Well, you are able to distinguish the real from the imaginary. I think that is an achievement in itself!

Overall, I think this is a very good poem. But to be honest, I find it hard to believe that free-verse is your first love. Your rhyming is among the best I've read.

[JC]

i dig the enigmatic essence juxtaposed with lines that can be interpreted in lucid ways. also really like the flow of words.

[Joseph - Michael]

It's quite an unusual piece to read... Felt like I was reading an old soul's disturbing poetry from the 1800's...

I've read it four times already, trying to understand the whole concepts of it (I'll admit that I've grabbed the dictionary for few words as well) and all I can say is this is truly remarkable prose poem I've read in ages, so it's all good tho... Nicely done...

[Steve]

Ok Now THIS is poetry folks! Nice visuals Alana. I read this about 3 times and got more out of it each time.

[BitterSweet]

i loved your poem.Zeitgeist_
Manifesto pretty much said everything that could be said.just want to give my support. keep writin!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I'd never speak a word of this poem aloud for fear of bastardizing it. It seems to me that is should only be spoken with a british accent for some reason. The words are elegant and the imagery is phenomenal. The emotion swept me away.

[Jason Clement]

You lose two points for big words. :( write stoopiderp for me!