Invisible

A story that symbolizes the helplessness that teenagers often feel while learning who they really are.

Invisible

I was awakened by the monotonous sound of my alarm. Annoying as it was, I knew today would be a good day, so I dragged myself out of my warm bed and went about my usual morning routine. My dream I had just woken up from was bizarre; I had been walking around my house and nobody could see or hear me, like I was a ghost. I was used to speaking my word and having it heard, so that situation didn’t particularly suit me.

          It was my sweet sixteen that night, and I was excited to say the least. For all my other birthdays, besides the ones I couldn’t remember, I just had some of my closest friends over for cupcakes and pizza. But tonight would be a night that hopefully no one would forget. My parents had rented out the Millennium, an open warehouse downtown that all the best parties were thrown in. I had spent the last couple months, in segments, planning the party to everyone’s liking. The food, the band, and the decorations were all set. I had made the party open invite so no one would feel left out, and I was sure the party would be the talk of my tedious high school, Woodstead High.

          Daydreaming about tonight, I almost bumped into my younger brother James. I muttered sorry as I quickly walked past him, though he didn’t seem to notice. I had my hair in soft curls from the night before and my makeup done well as I headed out the door to the bus. James and I walked down the street together, but he said nothing to me. Nothing to say, I assumed, though I was surprised he hadn’t wished me a happy birthday considering he normally would.

          I walked on the bus and sat in my usually seat towards the back, and then placed my backpack in the space next to me so no one would sit there. It was just a little too early to listen to people complain about the weather or their parents or something that might put a damper on my shining mood. I checked my phone and had still not received any birthday wishes from my friends, which I presumed was because they were still drowsy. The two girls who normally sit in the seat in front of me did just that this morning, but didn’t acknowledge me. Not to sound narcissistic, but they usually compliment me when I do my hair and makeup, though I was still glowing with enthusiasm so I decided to listen to some music for the rest of the ride.

          First period was always a total drab; it was band and it was rare for someone to actually start a conversation with me in this class. Though I did enjoy the alto-saxophone, and my parents really pushed me to pursue music, I found this utterly miserable. I sat through the 47 minutes of it with distinct distaste for all of the people around me, which was probably the reason none of them ever approached me. This class made me feel like I was trapped in a never-ending circle of “come talk to me you’re cool” to “wait, never mind I sort of hate all of you”. I mainly blame the fact that the class starts at 7:30 in the morning. The only decent aspect of the class was all the attractive boys. The class was open to all grades, and let’s just say that much Woodstead’s senior class looked like they were from Los Angeles. 

          Woodstead High may be exquisitely boring, but it was also enormous. It took me the whole six minutes they give us to go from period one to period two, US history. I didn’t walk with my usual crew that day because I was pretty stressed about the test I was about to take. School had always come easy to me, and I didn’t usually have to study for tests because I retained information well, but when it came to history I got brutal grades every time. Once I got to class, my eccentric teacher mentioned how we were missing a lot of people that day. There were only a few that I noticed missing, but Mrs. Swiss was kind of spacy.

          I braced myself as she passed out the test. Unsurprisingly, she skipped me. Teachers miss count all the time, but Mrs. Swiss in particular. I raised my hand and waited for her to notice that she missed me. Once she thought she was done, she headed back to the front of the room and scanned for any mishaps. I smiled at her when she looked my way and waited for her to walk over, but it didn’t happen. She then said we could begin the test. Slightly embarrassed, but more so irritated, I called out to her. No response… and not only from her, but from everyone in the room, I’d noticed.

          I stood up and walked to her desk, which she was now sitting in scrolling through emails. “Hello, Mrs. Swiss. You forgot to hand me a test.” I smiled politely, though she didn’t look up to see it. “Mrs. Swiss, did you hear me? I don’t have the test.” I repeated, irritated. Other than a few worried glances towards their friends, nobody was looking away from their test. I turned around to the girl sitting in the desk nearest to me and said hello quite aggressively. No response. I walked over to one of my friends in the class, Johnathon, and tapped his desk repetitively. After a while, I started to annoy myself so I stopped trying to get people’s attention. Frustrated, I left the room. No one followed me to the girls restrooms.

          I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed that I wasn’t the same person from a few months before. In the summer, I had a glow about me, a carelessness, and I was much happier. This girl looked angry and alone.

          Once I felt like I had my composure together, I started walking down a different hallway than the one that led to US history. I stumbled upon the seminar room, and saw my friend Carrie sitting in the back with a group of people I didn’t recognize. Over the summer, Carrie and I had gotten relatively close. I had always admired Carrie for how she was continuously her own person. She was beautiful and easy to be around, and I thought we were rather good friends. Once school had started, we drifted apart a bit and she got a lot more popular, but we still talked as if we were good friends.

          Not sure when I had really gotten there, I found myself at the door of the seminar room, so I walked in. Once inside, everyone kept to their studies or whatever they were supposed to be doing and didn’t acknowledge my presence. I walked over and sat next to Carrie, and she did the same thing. Irritated, I began to leave, but then I realized that the group of people she was chatting with was talking about my party tonight. Intrigued, I listened in.

          “Yeah, I don’t think I can make it tonight, sorry Carrie,” mentioned on of the girls I recognized from the school dance team in a twitty voice. “Me either, I don’t hang out with those kind of people,” said the boy in the group. I didn’t quite understand what he meant because I was a good kid and didn’t have any sort of bad reputation. “Look guys, I know she’s a loser but trust me it’s gonna be a great party; I mean come on, it’s at the Millenium!” Carrie exclaimed coolly.

          My stomach sank a little a loser comment, but surely Carrie didn’t really mean it. I continued listening, since I had realized none of them could see me. The twitty girl went at it again, “Well I don’t disagree with that, but I still wouldn’t want to be caught in any pictures that said ‘Lacy’s party’ on them.” Ouch, at least I don’t feel the need to wear 500 pounds of makeup every day. Carrie didn’t say anything, just laughed a little. Then the boy sitting next to them asked, “Seriously Carrie, why do you hang out with those weirdoes when you could hang out with us?” Knowing Carrie would defend her friends, I smiled. “Guys I can’t help it, whenever I’m at my mom’s house, the only people she lets me hangout with are them,” Carrie told them.

          With my smile long gone, I turned away from the conversation. I was beyond hurt, but I should’ve realized this sooner. Whenever she was at her dads’, she used the excuse that he lived too far away and didn’t want to drive her over. Apparently that statement was about as fake as she was.

          Now furious, I rushed out of the seminar room. I found a bench down the hall where I didn’t have to see anyone because I had come to believe that all of them were also incredibly fake. Beginning to look back on all the fond memories I had with Carrie, I started to tear up. It was a good thing nobody seemed to be noticing me because I hate when I look so vulnerable in front of people. As I thought about all the people in my life and how distant I had become in the past few months, the periodic tears turned into heaving sobs.

          Even though a massive tidal wave of sadness had just assaulted me, I had stopped crying and gazed blankly at the wall. The bell for third period rang, and as people passed me in the hallway, they stared right through me. I had no idea what was going on or if I was dreaming, but I certainly wanted it to be over.

          After the hallways had cleared and the tardy bell rang, I decided to make the most out of this. Walking down another hallway, I came across my favorite teacher’s room. Mrs. Tudor taught chemistry and was pretty laid back which was why I actually didn’t mind her class. Sliding into her classroom, I spotted one of my other good friends, Madison. Unlike Carrie, I knew Madison was genuinely my friend; not because I had known her longest but because she had never lied to me. Although, Maddie was almost too honest sometimes in that she didn’t sugarcoat anything, which I often found myself appreciating.

          I went to sit by Madison, who seemed to be in a chipper mood. She was talking to the people at her table and laughing at their jokes. I came to the realization that it was likely because of the semi-attractive boy sitting across from her. To my surprise, once Mrs. Tudor started talking, Maddie focused in. I knew she struggled with chemistry, but it surprised me to see her that afraid to fail; so much so that she hung on to every word her teacher lectured. Once Mrs. Tudor had finished giving instruction, people moved to their labs. Maddie’s lab partner was the cute boy she seemed interested in. Smiling to myself I walked over to them.

          Per usual, Maddie was being slightly OCD about the procedure. She seemed to read the directions for an eternity before she and her partner started. I was entertained by this, although the boy seemed pretty annoyed. “Hey, I told you about my friend Lacy’s party tonight, right?” Maddie said to him with a bright smile. “Yeah, I was gonna try to go with some of my buddies. Your friend Lacy’s really pretty.” He said. I was flattered but entirely uninterested; couldn’t he tell that Maddie was into him? “Yeah,” Maddie started, “I’m sure the party will be amazing, too.”

          Discouraged by this, Madison’s mood was not so chipper anymore. She walked over the girl who had been sitting by her originally and started talking. “I’m just really tired of Lacy getting all the attention. When I hang out with her it’s fun and all but all she talks about is herself, and I’m done with it.” Maddie complained. Her friend just nodded and said, “Yeah, no offense but Lacy kind of seems like a brat to me.” Honest, as usual, Maddie said, “No it’s not that, for my fifteenth birthday last year Lacy threw me a party and did all that work just to be a good friend. I guess she just doesn’t realize that she’s not actually the princess she acts like.”

          Regrettably, I realized much of what she said was true. I was only a good friend to her half the time and I became determined to make that change.

The day had clearly been fantastic; I had just learned that I was too much of a weirdo to be with Carrie’s friends and too much of a b***h to be with Madison’s friends. For the second time that day, I felt trapped by my life and I was profoundly exasperated because of it.

I observed as Madison and her partner finished the lab which tested the factors that would effect a chemical reaction. Mrs. Tudor wished everyone a good weekend and the students dispersed once the bell rang. I left with them and began to stroll down the hallway. If I had actually intended on going through my usual schedule, I would be in music theory for fourth period.

Music theory was relatively boring because I already knew most of the material they taught due to previous experiences. Although, one redeeming factor was that every time I walked to that class I passed Camden Foster in the hallway. He was one of the boys that were so adorable it hurt, and he knew me at least a little because he was also in band. He had fairly long chocolate waves and really gorgeous green eyes. He was a senior and I was a sophomore, so I had my hopes that we could work.

Walking towards the music hallway, I spotted a group of white boys that thought they were thugs. I knew I shouldn’t judge because I didn’t even know them, but people who float through high school and have to retake freshman year biology aren’t exactly my type.

I recognized one of the boys from lunch, but I didn’t know his name. He always sat at the table right next to mine and had poorly-died black hair and wore clothes that were from the types of stores your mom told you not to go in alone.  I had assumed he smelled like cigarettes and laughed to myself for stereotyping so heavily. Suddenly intrigued, I walk over to test my theory.

To my surprise, he actually smelled fresh like he had just gotten out of a shower. He was laughing happily at his friends jokes and had a carelessness about him that was refreshing. “Seriously Aaron, why don’t you just go to her party tonight and talk to her there?” One of the boys’, Aaron’s, friends said. At first I assumed they were talking about some party for stoners I hadn’t heard about, but as they kept talking I realized it was my party they were talking about. Gosh, this is what I get for making it open invite.

“I know that it’s open invite but she doesn’t even know who I am,” Aaron replied. His friends really seemed intent on going to my party, and another one said, “Whatever man, if you’re not going to talk to her then I don’t want to hear about her anymore.” Aaron rolled his eyes and sort of laughed. I guess they thought if they went to the party they’d be getting free food and drinks or something.

The boys went their separate ways as the rest of the hallway emptied. Aaron was walking alone towards a geometry class. Walking next to him, I noticed his deep-set blue eyes. They weren’t as stunning as Camden’s, but his eyes were certainly eye-catching. He went into his class as the bell rung, a crime that I almost never committed, but he did so with such ease I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened daily.

Once Aaron was in his classroom, I realized I had totally missed my opportunity to spy on Camden. I was reasonably upset with myself, but I assumed I could find him after fourth period was over.

To occupy my time, I went to look for a vending machine. There were quite a few outside the cafeteria, so finding them wasn’t a difficult task. I pulled out a couple dollars and got myself a Dr. Pepper and a bag of M&Ms. I mean after all it was my birthday and I should be treating myself, right?

While I ate, I started to wonder how any of this was possible. Nobody could see or hear me, and they also couldn’t see or hear when I interacted with objects. I probably hit my head like the klutz I was trying to set something up for the party, and was currently in a coma. Do people have weird dreams when they’re in comas? Also, most of my dreams were about meeting the members of One Direction or going on an incredible vacation or something. They were definitely not me running around school clueless and then realizing everyone actually hated me.

After several embarrassing attempts to try and wake myself up, I decided to walk around. Inside the cafeteria, there was a group of students studying. It made sense that they would use the cafeteria as a study hall during it’s off time, so that was probably what was happening. I certainly preferred the place when I was shoving food in my mouth, but maybe that’s just me.

Since I always passed Camden, I knew he was somewhere around here. I started heading in the direction he walks in when he passes me. I found him inside an AP calculus class, which was a hard class even for a senior. I knew he was smart and motivated, but I didn’t realize he was this smart and motivated. I’m not real clear on what I did next, but I think I was probably drooling.

Someone from inside the classroom opened the door and walked out, probably to use the restroom. I saw the open door as my chance to walk inside. The teacher was lecturing about stuff I couldn’t even try to make sense of, and Camden was sitting towards the back talking to a friend.

Before walking back there, I shouted “Hello!” rather loudly to see if anyone could hear me. Nobody looked my way, as I had presumed. I walked back and took a seat next to Camden. If anyone actually knew this was happening they would either be really jealous of me or think I’m really weird. I decided not to care because I mean an opportunity’s an opportunity.

“Yeah I think a lot of the swim team is going,” Camden told his friend. “Well the swim team certainly knows how to party, are you gonna bring the dope?” the friend replied. I guessed they were joking because why would someone in AP calculus be smoking weed? And what event were they talking about? I assumed it wasn’t mine because I was only friends with a couple of people on the swim team.

“Well duh I’ll bring it; it a sophomore’s party so I doubt she’ll be providing.”

“Yeah you’re right on that. But I mean hey, I bet a lot of freshman will be there.”

Camden laughed and said, “I know right, talk about easy.” I felt like I was trying to figure out calculus, understanding this conversation. So if they weren’t joking, Camden smoked weed and liked freshman girls because they were easy. Nice guy. Not that I have a problem with anyone who smokes because I don’t really see why it’s such a big deal, but taking advantage of someone is not something I’m okay with. This is what happens when you like someone you barely know anything about.

Even though my hopes and dreams had been mostly crushed, I decided not to be upset. Considering this was entirely my fault for developing feelings for him even though I barely knew him, I couldn’t be too livid. I left the classroom because I had no reason to be there. All I could hope at this point was that they weren’t talking about my party, although, the odds didn’t seem to be in my favor.

I spent the rest of fourth period trying to walk off my irritation. I was having a hard time doing this because nothing was making any sense to me, another rarity. My life seemed so boring and simple, but apparently not. Two of the people I thought were my best friends don’t like me all the time and people who look like they smoke weed actually don’t but people who are probably going to be my family doctor someday do.

Frustration surged through me, but fortunately there was some light in the darkness. Lunch was fifth period.

 Woodstead has such a big student population they have to divide lunch into four different sections: A, B, C, and D. When the students for A lunch filed in, I was already there. I sat in my normal seat and my friends sat around me as they normally do. They ignored me which I realized was also a usual occurrence. I sat by a group of over-achieving boys because all of my girlfriends were in B lunch. Though, I didn’t mind because they always kept a conversation going and helped me with my homework.

Also perfunctorily, Aaron and his friends were sitting at the table right next to ours. Since Woodstead was so big, the most efficient way to seat people was in long skinny tables that were all connected, rather than round circle tables. That being said, Aaron didn’t actually sit at a different table than me because his table was adjacent to mine. And today, he sat really close to me because he thought where I was sitting was just empty space.

He still smelled fresh and I assumed it was his cologne. Surprisingly it wasn’t the typical AXE smell; it was a simple evergreen scent that I liked. He had crinkles in the skin next to his eyes which you get from smiling, which he was doing now. He put his arm on the back of my chair and I got really uncomfortable so I jerked the chair forward so his hand would fall off. He didn’t seem to notice anything strange.

I decided to listen in on the conversation my friends were having. “I’m pretty pumped for this party tonight,” my closest friend at the table, Johnathon, said. “Yeah me too, I wasn’t sure what to get her as a gift,” another one of my good friends, Kole, replied. I told him no gifts! “Yeah me either, but I want to get her something nice,” said Johnathon. Gosh, what were they thinking? “What else are you gonna give her, Johnathon?” imputed someone flirtatiously. Johnathon rolled his eyes and looked at the boy like he was the most annoying human on the planet.

While my head was rather bogged at that time, I could still put the pieces together. Johnathon was probably going to ask me to be his girlfriend. Or, more irritatingly, he was going to “ask me out”. I despised that phrase; where the hell is “out”?

I didn’t like Johnathon in that way; I mean he was one of my only friends. I really didn’t want him to do this, if it is what he’s planning on doing. It would put a wedge between that I wasn’t sure I could bear. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any clear way of stopping it.

My friends continued to speculate on the party and one of them even asked if I was going to be serving alcohol. Didn’t they know me well enough to know that I don’t drink? I guessed I would have to reassure them once I got the chance.

Once A lunch was over, I stayed in the cafeteria and waited for the B lunch students to arrive. I spotted my group of friends: Carrie, Madison, Carmen, Ana, and two other girls I didn’t know. I walked over to where they were sitting and pulled up a seat next to them.

“Macy put on her invites that gifts weren’t necessary, but I think she like expects us to get one for her or something,” Madison told them. They argued for a while on this until Ana finally said, “Well, I’m not getting her s**t if she tells me not to.” Ana was also really honest, but not as straight up as Maddie. She habitually sat and listened to the conversation for a while before she put her opinions in. She was also really motivated; her entire family consisted of like Olympic-level skiers which I deeply admired.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m getting her anything either,” Carmen said softly. Carmen was pretty quiet when we were in school but when the five of us hung out at home she was so much fun. I smiled, thinking of the time we went on a walk in the summer and the Woodstead sprinklers came on to water the grass and we all went crazy. A ping went through me when I remembered that the walk had been Carrie’s idea.

Madison replied saying that she was going to get me something just in case. I was glad the rest of them weren’t getting me anything because I really didn’t need it. The two girls I hadn’t recognized turned out to be Maddie’s friends from the swim team. It turns out they were coming to the party as well, which led me to believe that when Camden said the whole swim team would be there he might not have been joking.

Throughout lunch, the girls talked about what they were going to wear and gossiped about people, not in a mean way but in a “did you hear she’s dating him?” kind of way. Carrie seemed to be in her own world while all of this was going on; she constantly checked her phone and added little to the conversation. Carmen was the first to notice this when she asked Carrie if she was texting Amar. Why would Carrie be texting Amar? He was her ex and had cheated on her with an 8^th grader.

Carrie just smiled and nodded and talked about how he was being so sweet to her. Not to be a pessimist, but no. I still cared enough about Carrie to not want her to get hurt by Amar again. I couldn’t believe that this was my first time hearing about their rekindled fire of love. Even though nobody could see me do it, I rolled my eyes audaciously.  

A little later on Carrie finally started to get involved with the table. She said, “Guys, I don’t think I can make it tonight. I like really wanted to go but my dad has to take me to dance and I’m not sure he will drive me to the Millennium. It sucks!” I almost barfed my M&Ms up at how untrue that was. The Millennium was in about as good of a location you can get as far as convenience goes. Honestly, I doubted there even was dance that night considering it was a Friday, and if there was she couldn’t stop by afterwards?

Regardless, the rest of my friends just nodded and told her how sorry they were for her. I was appalled. I exited the room as quickly as a mouse running from a lion.

It was refreshing to see Madison and Carmen and Ana, but I was annoyed at how ignorant we all were. I decided then that Carrie was pathetic and that I shouldn’t care what she says or does. If she’s back with Amar nothing good can come of it anyways, so I assumed if I just let her be then misery would creep its way into her life all on its own. By then she’ll probably want a friend like me, but I won’t be waiting for someone like her.

Once I was back in the hallways, I pretty much had no plan. If it had been a normal day, I would be in chemistry with Mrs. Tudor. Although I do enjoy that class more than others, I still didn’t really want to be there at the time. So, I decided to sit outside the cafeteria.

When the bell for C lunch came and everyone left, I noticed that Ana had stayed behind. I walked over to her to see what she was doing and I realized she was faintly crying. Confused, I tried to think of what had happened between lunch and now.

Bravely, Ana wiped her tears and collected her things and walked to the nearest bathroom. I followed.

Once she was in the bathroom, Ana pulled out her phone and called someone. She didn’t cry again, but I could tell she wanted to. “Hey, mom,” she said sweetly into the phone, “How are things?” I heard some mumbling; her mom talked a lot on the phone, just like mine. “Well, at least the first surgery is over with, I’m sure the next will go more smoothly!” Ana replied positively. More mumbling, until Ana realized she had to go and told her mom goodbye and that she loved her.

Ana looked in the mirror and wiped under her eyes again. Once she was satisfied with her appearance, she left for class. I stayed behind, confused. I knew Ana’s mom had breast cancer once before, but I was under the impression that she was currently in remission. I couldn’t believe Ana hadn’t shared this with me; she could’ve at least had someone to talk to. Once I get out of whatever bubble I was presently stuck in, I would certainly find a way to cheer her up.

I was seriously bored. My house wasn’t really that far away, and it was fairly warm for a fall day in the Midwest. I considered the benefits of coming home early: bed, food, Netflix. I was easily sold. If I left school, I might be cold on the way home but I was tired of eavesdropping on people. It felt like lying, which wasn’t a skill I excelled at. Though, if I stayed till the end of the day I couldn’t risk getting into any trouble. In the end, I decided to escape the hellhole we called Woodstead.

I headed to the back right corner of the school because it was the closest to my neighborhood. Surreptitiously, I opened the door and slipped out. There was no reason to be stealthy, but I still felt strange. The situation reminded me of a show I had watched were a criminal escaped from jail. The thought almost made me turn back; I didn’t want to be a criminal. But I was already a good distance away from the school at this point, so I choose not to let my ridiculous thoughts fail me.

Though my house wasn’t far, there were no paths that led me there, only winded roads that went through a small forest. Fall was my favorite time of year, and walking through the forest with trees in various stages of hibernation reminded me why. The dark evergreens had a strict contrast from the dying capricious trees that came in striking gold shades and my favorite scarlet red shades. I got the feeling that my mom would’ve loved it, aside from the cold that nipped at me.

It was mid-November, so winter would be upon us soon. I loved the holidays and spending time with my family, but other that I pretty much hated winter. I had no desire to ski or snowboard or sled, and unlike most people I thought snow was rather ugly. I didn’t find beauty in the way it landed on my face and bit at my fingertips and toes. I also didn’t like when it because a mass of grey slush once the weather warmed. I mostly spent the winter months in my bed reading books.

That being said, I tried to enjoy my walk through the fall-themed woods. The trees were fading fast, and the first snow was coming soon so this was pretty much my only opportunity to take in the nature. Although the woods were as peaceful as I could get, I still had a hard time staying calm with all the craziness happening in my life. I liked calm and orderly, and was used to calm and orderly. I have two parents that love each other and two younger brothers that look up to me, and I always had good grades and good friends. Some of this was beginning to shake from its usual ways, and I wasn’t sure I approved.

Once I finally reached home, there was a silver Lexus in my driveway. I didn’t recognize the car, so I assumed it was one of my mom’s friends. I came inside and dropped my backpack off in my room. Then I headed straight for the kitchen and made myself a comforting peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Author's Note

I know the story ends in an odd spot, but this is just a draft; I wanted to try out Writer's Café before finishing. I would certainly appreciate s review! The final copy will hopefully be up soon, after I get some (hopefully positive) feedback. Thank you!

Reviews

[Emily Hernandez]

You weren't kidding when you said the story ended in an odd spot, but it certainly left me wanting more! I think that when you go back to edit it you could definitely add some more details, especially regarding the relationships Lacy has going on. If you kept going with this I believe it would be a really great read!