CFS

A short story that describes my battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It happened during class. I was doing maths work, and suddenly, this dark, heavy cloud came over me, trapping me in its dizzy haze. Suddenly I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t focus, couldn’t read the words in front of me. I just… I stopped working. That was the last normal day I was going to have for years.

 

Eventually, the cloud got worse, and the doctors called the cloud a disease; an incurable disease that I had severely and would suffer from for years. So the cloud didn’t go away. It made a home somewhere in my chest and weighed down my every move. It wasn’t a normal sort of heavy feeling; it was the kind of heavy feeling that weighed down your heart.

 

As the cloud got even worse, it started taking things from me, one by one. It took my energy; sometimes a little, sometimes all of it. With that, it took away my ability to perform everyday tasks and left me feeling useless. 

Then it took my school from me when I couldn't physically get myself there anymore, and with that it took my friends. Eventually, it took my entire social life. 

One of the worse things it took was my mornings. It took a whole damn part of the day away from me. It doesn’t sound like it should have upset me so much... but never hearing the birds sing as they woke up, never seeing the gentle sunlight slowly fill my bedroom.. I use to hate mornings and dispised waking up early for school, but waking up past noon everyday started to depress me. Seeing how late the time was when I woke up made me cry and I started turning clocks face down so they would stop reminding me.

 

At first, I think I was just frustrated, frustrated that this was happening and I couldn’t do anything about it. I grew tired of having to fight tooth and nail to accomplish the smallest everyday things, only to have all my efforts crushed and forgotten the next day. But as the years went by, something changed. I found myself happy. Content with everything. That’s when I realised; this dark cloud that I had portrayed as such an evil thing for so long hadn’t trapped me at all; it freed me.

This disease had taken me from a life of trying to socializing and fit in with awful people, only to be left feeling invisible and unnoticed, and has given me a whole new lifestyle to live, one away from society, one I’m happy in.

At first, it scared me. It was too different from what other people consider ‘normal’. But I had spent so many years being normal, and not happy. So maybe that’s the point; it’s different.

 

I have found true peace and happiness in my own mind, and even after all this; I have become grateful for catching this disease. It has woken me up from my old, unmotivated life, and given me something to fight for; it has given me a whole new happier way to live and made me appreciate a lot more in my life now.