An Open Letter

To the one that's slowly loosing me

Dear boy with the yellow backpack,

I took you for granted. 

I didn't appreciate the  person I fell in love with, 

and now he is no longer around. 

There are a lot of things that I can thank you for, 

but I won't.  

I'm tired of feeling so bitter. 

You've made me bitter with your lies. 

I am tired of not feeling loved, cherished or admired. 

I understand that things are difficult, 

and that you have your ways of coping, 

but i'm here too. 

I am tired of apologizing for how I feel.

No, I don't like that you go out. 

I don't like how you are to others. 

I don't like your friends, 

nor how they influence you. 

And I'm sorry, 

because I don't understand, 

I'm sorry that they make you happier than I do. 

I get why I hate it all so much. 

I am loosing you to them. 

So..

I hope they make you feel better than my love. 

I hope they comfort you in times of need. 

I hope they accompany you when you're alone.

I hope they're worth it. 

I hope they make you regret what you've lost,

if you loose me. 

I miss the guy who fight for me. 

The guy who fought to win me over, 

the guy who I fell in love with. 

I don't know if I know who you are anymore. 

Thank you for whatever effort you do put into us.

I don't want to have expectations, 

but you are the ones who created them for me.

I understand that we are young, 

with our whole lives ahead of us, 

and our dreams are simply dreams..

But I thought I believed in us. 

I guess I still do, 

If i'm still here. 

Which is a s****y thing to do, 

especially because you can barely even text back. 

"Please don't break up with me"- 

A phrase that you use often, 

which is ironic considering you do almost 

nothing to keep me around, 

nor to have me want to stick around, 

yet I still do. 

I don't know where I'm going with this. 

My head is a mess. 

My heart is a mess. 

We are a mess.

And I am fighting, 

but are you?

My heart hurts more than you'll ever know. 

I miss the guy with the neon yellow backpack. 

I don't know who this new guy is.  

Sincerely, 

The one you might let get away. 

P.s. 

You hurt me so bad before, and it won't ever happen again. 

Chances are not unlimited. Don't you forget. 

Author's Note

excuse the mistakes,
i'm simply trying to let go of the pain in my heart tonight