4 lines from a thaw

4 lines from a thaw

 

 

 

snowed in by your icy demeanor

slipping on your indifferent pavement

 

even my salty tears

can not steady my heart's step.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/5/17

Reviews

[Lina Lotus]

No need to elaborate You said it all in 4 well compacted lines. I specially like the first two lines

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lina...

j.

[Sofia]

Wow!! That's incredible..Well I'm new here..so can anyone help me with my writing

[redzone]

I saw that metaphor slip and fall on the ice of her demeanor Jacob and there you sat on your butt getting wet and colder by the second... and salty tears give no aide to the heart, but sometimes do give rise to wonderful poetry, like this one Jacob... do we need to call the ambulance, help you up??!!

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha, on the ambulance...you're too funny...thanks for the smile, my friend.

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I've fallen and can't get up. The ice in this poem is sharp and slippery.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Al.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i am very deliberate in my steps on icy slopes these days ... but when cryin' won't do it ... i don't know what can :{ ... maybe better a broken hip that lands me in the hospital where they would give me the "good" stuff ;) just kidding of course. four lines title perfect .. that's a nice little challenge to put together well .. nice one jacob
E.
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong use of words and thoughts in the poem. Create a vision of sadness. Thank you Jacob for sharing your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Coyote...

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Jacob.

[Lydia Shutter]

Heartbreaking words. Always great metaphor, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lydi.
j.

[Fernando Dardón]

Usually we think of tears sweet, as they might be the very expression of the heart. But this... adds a whole new conceptions of tears. Surely the phrase "Drowning in tears" doesn't apply to this cold heart...

Wonderfull poem (short but strong) as always.

Greetings pal...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Fernando...

j.

[mou]

sometime silent ice is always treated as cold, fool fellow, it's reason is never scrutinized..a wonderful feelings. the last line is just heart stopping!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, mou...

j.

[mou]

it's my pleasure

[andrew mitchell]

A crusty resolution is needed here Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, probably so, andrew...

j.

[WittyWonka]

Once it gets so cold, even the salt becomes useless. Love the metaphor!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Witty,

j.