a garden's longing

a garden's longing

 

 

at the shelter

she's perched safely

on a branch of uneven scale

reading

about how she came from a rib

she yearned to crush

and discard

 

her Eve to his Adam

God's plan

all that knowledge forbidden

guarded

 

paradise

is putting food on the table

cleaning up his messes

being berated

under his thumb

his foot

his slap

his Judas temper

 

at the shelter

she envisions the ax

put to the tree

the rib smashed to smithereens

her freedom

 

befriending the serpent

because for her

he is a level playing field

 

and she wants to win respect

before she is bitten

and the wounds swell.

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/30/23

Reviews

[jaye river]

the opening stanza blew me away. really love this one, very beautifully written. i like that the imagery used helps get the point across more bluntly/in your face, rather than sugar coat it or hide it behind a veil.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, jaye,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

The Serpent is Fiction that became a Reality. We need to find a way to use the Serpents to Guard the Open Border from Evil People who would destroy the Innocent... let Evil destroy Evil. Trickery is a good Weapon... "Mind Games" ... At one time a Gold Cross might have stopped the Devil. A Round Table of Brilliant Soldiers to come together... like Knights. Hallelujah...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, where is that gold cross anyway...
j.

[e]

I really enjoyed reading this poem!! Very well written :))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, erin,
j.

[DIVYA]

There is a limit that they cross and for which they must be crushed. I like to crush too but only when the water begins to flow above a certain level. Its very liberating then.

The opening verse blew me away. You come up with the best lines, Jacob! I loved the reference to the very first love trio too. I think the serpent is often a veiled friend. This is certainly a masterpiece!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, DIVYA,
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Amazing write here Jacob very very thought provoking indeed !

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Julie...
j.

[Light and ashes]

Isn't this something??.....
As a woman who loves God, but who has also become disillusioned with religion, I find this really interesting.

I understand..
why women hate men and why they may even hate God, if they believe his plan for them was to be abused and crushed under a man's evil footprints.

Eve ate the apple.
It was oh so bitter but oh so sweet..
at the same time.
Sin is like that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, sin is definitely like that...
Thank you for your words, Light.
kind of you...I sometimes am not sure I have the right to write from a woman's perspective because I am not in their shoes...but there are some things I find tragic in the way they are treated.
j.

[Light and ashes]

Definitely, and I think you did fine, you're welcome.

[Chris Shaw]

This poem with its vivid imagery sent shivers down my spine J. What some women put up with is beyond comprehension.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, way beyond.

[Desert Knave]

Wow indeed ! The imagery is vivid and, as time has told, still overly-relevant. Beautifully written. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Jim,
j.

[Silmara McGarry]

Wooooow I must say what a very pleasant different this poem is... catching my breath....lol
You very skilfully managed to say so many important things that we cannot some how put together but we know, specially us women!!! I hope more women can read this magnificent poem.
Very well done dear Jacob,,,oh may👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words Silmara,
j.