a while

a while

 

the pen sheds its garb

unbuttoning its composure

 

baring the breast

of incomprehensible pain

 

pain, pen, pain, procedure

clinically aging regret

 

counsel of grief

second opinion

 

his heart is fatal

in opposition

 

to his surgical

smile.

 

 

erin-cilberto

5/14/24

Reviews

[John Sullivan]

How well we compartmentalize...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we do tend to do that, don't we, John?
thank you,
j.

[Sapphus]

So good to read when a pen unbuttons. The word play is superb.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you so much, Sapphus,
j.

[D]

A pen can emote so beautifully on paper if it sheds all its garb. We wear multiple layers of protection, pretense, niceties, that prevent one from expressing that which is deepest but here you unravel the pen and show its true purpose.
To surrender to the spirit and shine.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Divya,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

The heart has many instruments to demonstrate its highs and lows and what better than the pen.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

picking the instrument with the right pitch for the words is the challenge.
thank you, andrew,
j.

[iTryToWriteAllTheTime]

Each line felt like a cut, bearing vulnerability.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Soren, I do believe has got this one nailed j. It reflects our recent conversation when you discussed this. The pain is certainly palpable. An excellent piece. Back now after a short but needed break. Have a great weekend.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Chris,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

A hurtful piece, one that strikes me as something terrible is going to happen, like using your pen to sign for surgery....ouch! it' one of the most degrading things a human can do....yet we may have to do just the same; however, the way to write this is quite amazing.....aging is not fun and most likely we will all go through something like this....
Warmly, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome J.

[Thomas W Case]

Superb. The pain is palpable.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Thomas,
j.

[Amy R]

What a sad but powerful poem. I felt the pain hanging in this...
You write so well with such little words.
-Amy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you so much for your words, Amy,
j.

[Amy R]

Most welcome!! 😊

[Soren]

This is a powerful poem that I take as the reluctance to sign something to which there is no choice about signing. In it is expressed the mannerisms of taking off the cap or pressing the button to expose the tip that represents the "incomprehensible pain" The next two stanzas show vacillation and brief procrastination with second thoughts for council. The heart is against it but if the smile can represent the head it is emotionless in a "surgical smile" of signing. So concisely written in such poetic form.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Soren,
j.