Believe

All she wanted was to believe...

She wanted to smile

To look at the world and see

All that everyone else saw

She wanted to believe that the world

Was a place where goodness could reside

 

Darkness and evil

Had made its mark upon her soul

And she knew nothing else

Her world was made of washed out colors

And red eyes of evil

 

She'd been told

Life held charms and love

But she had never seen it

And she wanted to believe that there

Was a chance she could find her own happiness

 

She wanted to believe

But her heart knew the chance of happiness

Resided only in the hope of her dreams

She knew her world

would never

See the happiness

That colored other peoples world.

Author's Note

What is this missing

Reviews

[Lexi Nicole]

I like this. But, to answer your question, I think it's missing depth. The emotion is all there, the concept is great, but it only really scratches the surface of what the character is thinking. Get into her mind. Why can't she find happiness? Has she tried and failed? Did something happen to her to make her think her world is this dismal?

Work on it. This is good, but you can make it even better. :3

-Howl

[LoLo]

To me, when I write a piece of prose, I feel like I should not change anything about it, add anything or delete anything. My writing comes strait from the heart, and to change it, would be to lie about the truth. Every piece someone writes is one of a kind and special in its own way. Don't make try to make it better for anyone. You're poems are simple and sweet and jammed with your unique persona, and I love them.

[Marlena]

Nothing, its perfect, the flow is great :)

[Just Plain Me]

This isn't missing anything. Honestly this is an amazing poem... good job :)

[deeps]

It''s not missing anything. I know this feeling. I like this it comes right from the heart.

[Kelsey Desmond]

Nothing. This is perfect. I much enjoyed this.