Runner

Run with desire dearest, don't fear the decisions you don't have to make, Dwindle on your smiles, and my smiles, hum sweet ignorance upon your lips as I try to match your art with my art. Ill paint by number using only the colors of your eyes, so that I may draw the sun surrounded by orchids and tulips and terracotta castles by the sea. So if only in our imaginations we can have a place to ask, ever so softly, the mirror on the wall, who was the wrongest of them all. Until then, this island of misfit toys, and boys and girls, and boats and cars, and telegrams without wires, and diseases we don't know the names of, so we call it lust and love, will house our angelic ways, sadistic pleasure after sadistic pleasure. And when you try to leave, which you surely will, ill follow you around in search of patterns. Maybe ill mimic your depressive ways, ill seek out the Ménage à trois until i find a divine trinity hanging from my shoelaces. Or you.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I really really like this one. Very cute. Like the syllable and sound repetition. I love it when people design their sentences like these are.

The best part, to me, was the "so that I may draw the sun... until sea.

If there was one part that seemed overly awkward it would be "the mirror on the wall, who was the wrongest of them all" not because wrongest isn't a word. I like the language, but it seems like there are syllables missing or sounds need to be re-arranged. Say it aloud: (as I imagine it read)

So, if only in our imagination
we can have a place to ask (pause for ...)
the mirror on the wall
who was the wrongest of them all.

From so until ask is very flowing and great. Where you put the (...) there needs to be something more finite, more words. I think you knew something had to be there. That in itself might solve the dilemma, but you might need to rearrange the words in the latter part. Definitely keep mirror and wrongest, though.

I mean you know you can create a good pause with just one adjective to ask the... antagonistic... to ask the everpresent, etc. And I think there just needs to be a pronoun sort of reset like he (assuming the mirror is a he) who is the wrongest...

I like this though. I really am happy with your language use and the sincerity.