Fight Off

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

outside the refuge,
of the mouse,
who turned the house,
upside-down.

With some cheese,
on a mouse-trap,
that would unwrap,
his skin brown.

And, oh, finally!
there comes he,
so very greedily,
looking around.

Attractive cheddar,
towards it he darts,
and then starts,
the countdown.

In no time he,
meets his death,
struggling for breath,
on the ground.

Struggles are what the world rests upon....*sighs*

Author's Note

Had a vivid dream. Found myself repeating the last line over and over again. So...had to write this. Hope you like it.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

"And, oh, finally!
there comes he,
so very greedily,
looking around."

This stanza could be interpreted politically, socially, economically - but then, sometimes a mouse is just a mouse.

I have been writing a lot of "nonsense" myself lately, so I enjoyed this little gem.

I will be reading more of your work as i can during my work day, I usually only have time to pop into the Cafe a few times so the short pieces are perfect.

Nicely penned, Zoe.

[Zoya]

Thank you, Carol! :) glad you enjoyed this little heap of nonsense. Lol.

[Zephyr]

Who ever thought one could write a poem out of a simple situation like this?
You are truly imaginative Zoe:)
I had a good read!

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Neetha! :)

[Zephyr]

Glad, dear:)

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Metaphorically the ‘trap’ is what life deals us and the ‘cheese’ can be those temptations that distract us from the truth or an easy option to get free of constrictions, of our own making; resulting in a fatality of negative life choices! Wow – see what your so called poetical ‘nonsense’ has made me ponder - great job … needed my little grey cells exercised …

[Zoya]

Nonsense can be very deep, hah. Thank you so much for reviewing!

[wordman]

kinda like life for us all

[Zoya]

Right. Thanks for reading

[wordman]

you`re welcome

[Avia]

The last line is a nice line and so true. I find it comical. I think it's nice, taking something as ordinary as trapping a mouse and making a nice piece of writing out of it. Good job

[Zoya]

Thank you for reviewing, Avia! :)

[Najam Us Saher]

You remind me of Tom and Jerry. Light hearted and enjoyable poem. Thank you so much for sharing this. :)

[Zoya]

Haha. Glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and reviewing, Najam! :)

[Najam Us Saher]

You are most welcome. ☺

[Pragati Chaudhary]

Thats, Soo beautiful and true!

Yes Struggles are what the world rests upon!

Keep writing
:)

[Zoya]

Thanks much! :)

[Bear]

An interesting concept, there is a hickory dickory dock nursery rhyme updated feel which is very cool. I don't know if it was your intent to write an updated nursery rhyme but I like it, you could try updating other nursery rhymes. Well done my friend Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Zoya]

Haha, it actually wasn't. But I'll do try updating some nursery rhymes in the future...that's a cool idea. Thank you for reviewing, Bear! I appreciate it

[.]

A poem? A welcome change of pace!

As Pia astutely stated, your tale and it's mouse appear to be a reflection of a deeper symbolism; the struggle for even the most basic resource.

Here your mouse struggles and engages in a fight for the cheddar. We as humans have been fighting for similar resources....oil, land, freedom.....since the beginning of humankind. And as you so deftly concluded in the poem, greed and folly can often result in an untimely demise.

Your tale of the mouse who disrupted the house in his quest for cheese thus has a wider application to the world in it's current shambolic state. Greed is winning, and suspect moral choices are reigning.

A finely tuned poem, Zoe, especially for one conceived in a dream state. They are notoriously unhinged, dreams! Well Done.

[Zoya]

Haha, yeah. A poem was totally unexpected. I couldnt help but write it. I do think there's a deeper meaning behind it. You people probably understand it better than me, hehe. Thank you for your review, Doodley! Appreciated as always

[.]

Very welcome. I. O. U. Completed! ;)

[Zoya]

Ahaha, dont worry...you'll soon be indebted again ;-p

[.]

Gosh! You are like a mouse after cheddar! :))

[Zoya]

Lol. Being a greedy mouse shouldn't be bad on writerscafe xD

[pia]

i feel there is a meaning behind it. cleverly written. to me the mouse signifies a person who runs towards wealth ( symbolized by cheese)
this person brings destruction similar to how wealth and its greed brings doom and destruction, as its addiction can be dangerous. finally this addiction finally costs the person his life. if not in a very severe way as show in the poem. death could mean, bankruptcy, total loss of everything.
you write so well. i am always impressed by your abilities to convert the simplest ideas into something so mature and wonderful

[Zoya]

Great application there, Pia! Thank you for your time and review.