A Perfect Day

A Story by Zoya

She rang the doorbell to her new boyfriend’s house and stood in anticipation with her back to the door. All of it was so dream-like for her. Perfect boyfriend, perfect relationship and yes, a perfect day for their first ever date at his house. All was fine with her life after a painfully long time.

A dork like her didn't deserve him, so she believed. His youthful charm would send each girl at college into a trance. A complete bugbear for the boys, but can’t deny it, their expressions around him only reeked of reluctant admirance.

And then he approached her, completely out of the blue. She was shocked. She pinched herself several times only to find him standing still, grinning from ear to ear in front of her.

She was pinching herself even now. This can't be real, this can't be real. But it was, saddeningly so…

She heard the door unlock and felt a presence behind, knowing it was him. And then she felt his hands on her waist, bringing her in for a back hug. It was so warm. She knew she could stand there like that forever.

He retrieved a hand.

No, come back, come back here.

The other hand suddenly tightened its grip around her waist. Something was wrong. She turned around, only to catch a glimpse of a man wearing a black mask. It wasn't her boyfriend. Before she could shout for help, he covered her mouth with his gloved hand and lifted her above the ground with the other. She kicked her legs into the air struggling to set herself free. Hard luck. He carried her, and when she was too hard to handle, he dragged her; dragged her into that dreaded four-walled dwelling from which chances of escape were scanty.

Perhaps it wasn't a perfect day after all.

© 2018 Zoya

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Featured Review

JamieDarke

Hi Zoe ... Considering your age this isn't a bad effort. Some phrases like jumped out as slightly odd as I read ie "bathed in anxiety ... the sole north pole of a magnet in the entire college campus; the others mere, self-effacing south poles ... face requesting an answer ... She threw her legs and hands wildly." Less is more in writing and such flowery prose does little for this piece.
Even so I believe you have talent.

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

6 Years Ago

Thank you much for the feedback! I'll surely take your suggestions into account.

Reviews

AllauraRose

This is very well written! I love the twist ending, I took it as we all think/want that happy ending. but in reality we most likely never get it. I can also see a book coming out of this, what did she mean by her life was bad till then, was the guy in on it, and what happened afterward. These are all things that could be answered in a book. I see this as a metaphor and maybe that is just me, but it seems like a metaphor to people who think their life will be or stay perfect but in the end they are just hurt or disappointed. Good job!

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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6 Years Ago

Although i had no plans to convert this into a book, but now when you say it, i might just. Thank yo.. read more

6 Years Ago

I will be excited to read i! I am trying to write one right now, and it is difficult, but we can ge.. read more

6 Years Ago

Will be excited to read yours, too!

An unexpected twist in this story, Zoe.

Somehow the conclusion to your piece seems to hit close to the bone for some young ladies on college campus' throughout the world. Such instances as you have chillingly described are not always confined to the realms of fiction. Even in this modern day and age the danger for women still persists and the presence of demented individuals still endures.

Another well written short story, Zoe. Gripping and realistic. Nicely conceived.