This Is Not a Poem

This Is Not a Poem

A Story by H
"

snippet 14

"

Don’t mistake my cynicism for wisdom

I’ve been to a dark place,

pegged to starless skyline.

                       

Under the sun, out of the gloom


The inspiration here is explosive

Athena bursts forth from the crown of the mighty Zeus 

on a bench in Prospect Park

Birds sing their songs while Athena

Her golden armor

Her ethereal white robes

Her sword pointing to the Pavilion across the street

striking a cloudless sky

Hovers over my shoulder

Guides my pen over the page

Beckons sparrows toward me

© 2011 H


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Author's Note

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Reviews

Mesmerizing eye candy that fondles my senses. Lovely metaphors.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Athena in Prospect park, sparrows--classic! Beautifully done, kid/ I haven't ben here in a year, obviously been missing out.

Posted 8 Years Ago


This poem is powerful, and your voice is strong. There is a compelling undercurrent of emotion in your words that leaves the reader in no doubt that you have seen the dark side. Although I must confess that I agree with Libby on the 'dark, dark, dark, place' line. There is one too many 'dark's. Perhaps the first 'dark' could be a 'very'? That aside though, very effective work. I like it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


I really like the last line. It's like the only reality to this allegory. It's like a dream, then the pinch to make sure you're not dreaming. One suggestion, however. The Dark, dark, dark part could use a refashioning with a metaphor. It kinda sounds like a fill-in phrase until you thought of something better. A mere humble suggestion. Please keep sharing!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago



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686 Views
5 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on May 27, 2011
Last Updated on June 10, 2011
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Author

H
H

New York City, NY



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