Welcome to my Life

My point of view is can't exactly grasp how my life is suppose to turn out. Who I am suppose to be overjoyed and completely happy with. I am in love with the most amazing person, to me, and he basically has given up on us, after three years. I am moving back to Georgia to try and fix things, because I may still have a chance. I honestly, sit outside for hours contemplating over my whole life... and over him. Nothing I do seems to be good enough, to prove that we can stand strong through anything, and I want to break down in complete sorrow and cry my life away, in a river that would lapse over the country twice... I want to drown out my pain, or drown out myself. I can't stand being sober. I have to be slightly intoxicated, or the pain is there, welling up inside me, untill the end of the day, I'm not able to take anymore of pain..