suite 110.

relapse prevention

We often sit in silence waiting for her.

We know each other well enough from speaking hidden truths.

Name, reason, and commitment.

I lie, for I am not committed.

But terrified of rejection, I speak only what they want to hear.

Or maybe that's the lie, they want the truth if I'm willing to give it.

I think she knows I’m lying.

The little bird whispers danger through the landline.

I harbor all the horrible things we don't say out loud.

But I'm thinking of where I'll eat breakfast when I’m done spilling my guts to strangers about my problems.

Maybe the lariat, haven't been there in awhile.

Old friends who sat in dark corners with large smiles.

Lariat is a rope used for lasso or tethering.

That's one used coffee cup away from a noose I don't have to tie myself.

I was thinking about breakfast because she was asking about happiness.

"When do you feel happiest?"

This had been the longest silence of the session.

...

I wanted to ask what made her happiest, but the idea of listening to her talk anymore than she had to made me sick.

We exit smiling and shaking hands an maybe it’s not genuine but we are happier than when we came in.

Orange cup, cheap watered down coffee and a server on her first day.

Immediate regret.

Now I'm hoping to tie that noose myself.

"Keep on the sunny side"

Sunny side of the hanging tree.

The bright side of the gallows.

Where the light touches the guillotine.

I just want a decent plate of eggs, and coffee that doesn't taste like it's been strained three times.

She didn't even offer me pie...

• addisone