I'M DYING………

I dying to see you the way you were,

I dying to love you the way you want,

I m dying inside my whole to care for you,

I m dying to piece of my heart that is carried away by you,

I m dying solely because you are not here,

I  m dying to hear those love you, you used to say,

I m dying to say every beat of my heart,

I m dying to announce that you are mine,

I m dying just to know that you wanted to come back,

I m dying you to come and say that I NEED YOU BACK,

I M DYING BECAUSE MY SOUL IS EMPTY WITHOUT YOUR SOUL BEING IN IT……….

Author's Note

My first written poem......

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I loved the concept of how you emphasized the concept for how you are dying and came to a conclusion in the end that you are dying because your soul is empty without his soul in it, loved the concept..
The concept is very powerful, but you can improve the lyrical and poetic quality of this piece by writing it in structure and giving it a better rhyme scheme. But, overall I loved it :) Welcome to writersafe :)

[voices]

I totally agree with Kaushik

[JENY]

If the person you are referring to….
Happens to read this poem…
He will come back….
I am sure…
That much touching and painful are your lines…..

[heich]

sooooo emotional...its a beautiful piece,

[Ashley]

very good. in all your poems you use a consistant style which is poweverful and the emotion is raw due to the style and vocabulary.

[x]

reviewing at night is never a good idea but here goes...

Each line is both positive and negative in equal measures and so becomes perfectly balanced within the universe.
There is love in these lines, love and hope, longing and extreme giving. It is like the softest blanket upon the soul, healing and replenishing, replenishing for all that is given and felt. Simple words, yet words that had to be felt in order to be assembled....well done and thank you so much for this gift here.

[Richard Williams]

A fine expression or emotion, opening and ending lines good. Keep writing and editing.

[ShaneBerry]

nice, it has a good beat, and great depth

[Art]

Nice work...

this is a song of Soul-mates...

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong first poem. You express your desire strongly and with purpose. I like the strength in the lines and the ending. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote