Dear E

A Story by Thaddius

A letter

Dear E,

I don't know when you will get your cellphone service reconnected, so I am writing to you on here. Knowing you, you won't read this, but I promise you, it contains no hate and only truth, so I hope you will read it someday.

I know you 'don't know me'. I know I am a 'jealous hater' who tried to 'trap' you, and succeeded for nearly 3 months. I know I am a condescending nerd, one who loved too much, couldn't take rejection, was possessive and obsessive, and had moments that were psychotic and just plain wrong. I know I am a loser, chiefly because I am so 'loser-y'. I know I am pathetic.

From the second that you came up to me at the club I knew there was something special about you. You have a magical quality, and I can't describe it with all the pretentious words in the universe. I was reeling from 2 major losses in my life at the time, and was driving back from the Grand Canyon on the same night you ran away from home. I was surprised when the number you wrote on my hand turned out to be real, and started to feel anxious about whether I would ever see you again - even if it was just to talk over coffee.

When you asked to take a shower at my place I wasn't sure if you were joking. It seemed so forward, so trusting, and I was flattered. When you came and eventually decided to stay the night, you filled up part of the hollowness inside of me, much more than I could have hoped for. Every single thing that every single person does is selfish, and my generosity was no exception. I needed your company, your healing presence.

Days turned into weeks, and your spirituality began to consume my life. I didn't quite believe in it, but kept my mind open, and it was a comfort to have symbols and actions to guide our paths rather than desperate thoughts that couldn't be applied. You were eccentric, but so charming, beautiful in a rare, natural way, truly smart, creative, hysterically funny and deep as a bottomless pit.

I could never fight my instinct to protect you. It turned into neurosis - my thoughts constantly wondering to where you were and who might be taking advantage of you at any given time, even when I was away. As soon as we tried putting labels on our relationship it took a harsh turn for the worse, because I became possessive, something that you never deserved. Even if I was without these flaws, I know that we weren't supposed to be together in that way for an extended period of time. Your heart lies elsewhere. But I also believe that each moment, each person, each step along the way is integral to our development, and therefore, don't regret a second that I spent in your proximity.

I guess now it is time to say goodbye, goodbye to that sliver of time where you slept next to me each night, took showers every 3 hours, convinced me to order ice cream and vegan pizza from pink dot in the middle of the night, and my favorite: lying on the couch while you asked me to channel the universe through Rex, or the Seahorse, or the Perfume Bottle, and we discovered how to avoid catastrophe almost as much as we cracked each other up at the absurdity of it all. Everything is absurd, and you taught me that even truth comes in that twisted form... especially truth.

If you have gotten this far, I want you to know that I am always there as a friend and ally in saving the universe, and am always open to assist in your quest. I know that you have to consider me as a villain in order to escape, but whenever the time comes, I hope we can start where we left off and never be strangers. I am not hurt, not offended, and definitely not mad. I am proud of your guts. You are the world's mirror, and mine, and I will never forget my reflection.

Hang out, call, or text me anytime, acquaintance!

© 2014 Thaddius

Author's Note

I dug this up. Unadulterated truth!

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register

Reviews

Kalen Luciano

This story sounds like something an old friend of mine would have wrote to me. It really makes me have a new perspective on the whole situation between us two.