A Shameless Poem

sometimes I lose my nerve, and other times...

I'm not festive or the shameless type.

I show up late to Christmas and let

wishes spoil on my tongue.

Crinkled, immature, this one

Follows me by moonlight on a 

Flat white acid trail.

I listen for the spooning pools 

of its heels and toes

but know no other proof

of where it goes.

Now

It's been a while 

since a rustle and

Electric panic strikes 

each muscle.

 

Yes, of course

The stalker is generic- but so is death!

And the distance of your words much worse

 

 

I wish

I was the one to track you down in

A marmalade hallucination, but it seems that

When Diana dips I

Lose the place of our Oasis, and pace

an endless silver circle where

Christmas never comes.

My wish

Rises up like winter's breath 

so I can't breathe, and as it leaves and I

crumple on my knees and ripple outwards 

in a theatric sigh, my

body freezes in a 

bow - my love! - to how I 

die

Author's Note

I wrote a poem on Valentines day... then I tinkered with it over and over..

Reviews

[LadyAnn68]

I am not sure I understand it..can you explain it to me?

[Thaddius]

It's not for you to understand so much as feel and imagine. I'll tell you a few things:

It's about wanting something and having the courage to go for it. It's about a cynic who doesn't believe in god and his own happiness. You might think that showing up late to Christmas was the shamelessness, but detachment is rooted in shame. The shamelessness is getting on your knees and bowing to a deity. That's the journey of this poem.

A wish that dies in my mouth, never uttered, creeps into my brain and nags at me. I use vivid and dark imagery 'in the moonlight' to describe this dynamic. It's surreal. The wish is there, but I can't see it I hear little snags of fabric in the twigs, snatches in the trickling little brook. I grow dependent and addicted on this wish - a girl - because I feel the pursuit, not of her in real life, but of this want, this need in me. I begin to accept that it will reach me and hunt me and devour the shame in me and transform me. But just as this happens, it pulls away.

Because of this, I take action, and I actively direct my wishing energy in outrage, in contempt, in longing and nostalgia at this girl, and wish that I was the wish inside of HER mind. The moon sets, and I'm no longer going in a straight line at different speeds where we're destined to meet up, mathematically, but in a 'silver circle', and approximation of the moon, in this obsessive loop of an idea that has already set, a subconscious reality that is no longer up for grabs.

As the elusive wish becomes and impossibility, it rises, which means it is leaving forever, but at least leaving in utterance, not dying on my tongue. But it doubles for my last breath, because wanting something so bad kills me. So I die in a last, flourish gesture of 'shamelessness', crying out 'my love', and fall lifeless on the snow or the sand or into the stream (it doesn't matter), in a frozen bow, in reverence and worship to how I died by caring too much about something that I couldn't have. It's a wretched ecstasy.

The space in-between each stanza represents a different stage in the life of this wish, or in the life of my ability to make them. I wasn't going to explain this, but then I realized: it's so much fun, and why take myself soooooo seriously? So enjoy

[LadyAnn68]

WOW that is very very cool. I will re-read it with this in mind. Get back toy ou!

[kera moondust]

This poem is gorgeous. The rhyme doesn't sound forced, but it's not ever persistent and maybe that's what I like about it. I like your use if sensory details and your word choice leaves your mind hanging on certain phrases. Nicely done.

[Oyindamola Shoola]

through out my reading of this poem, the word 'wish' just kept ringing in my head. this poem is beautiful, I must confess, I love the way you used your words, a marmalade hallucination; rises up like the winters breath etc. and the imagery too. I just wish the world and all could be the way our wishes build it...Thanks for sharing...

[Earthstains]

I enjoyed the intimacy of this poem and felt a gentle yet fearless masculinity within it that was delicious, yet refined. Haunting, Beautiful, Memorable. Thank You Thaddius.

[Thaddius]

can't tell you how much I appreciate those words, earthstains.

[Earthstains]

You are very welcome, you have written a truly lovely poem Thaddius.

[DaniElle LaPointe]

(Wish I was the one, actually )
perfect flow
draws in
Unpretentious and clean

[Thaddius]

never can tell..

[Elina]

Beautiful imagery, as ever. I absolutely love your style of writing. It has an effortless, lilting quality.
"Flat white acid trail...Electric panic strikes/each muscle...A marmalade hallucination...an endless silver circle...My wish/Rises up like winter's breath..." Pure poetry (if it's not too cliché to say).

[Thaddius]

Compliments are never too cliche. Much appreciated!

[Cryingkate]

I personally can't relate to this one. Maybe it's an age gap or content?
Yours isn't the first. So please don't panic :-) looks like you are on the right road though for writhing. And also looks like you have a few fans already >-)
Happy Writing..

[Thaddius]

Appreciate your honesty! Writhing? A freudian slip, perhaps?

[Cryingkate]

LOl I meant writing. I'm sure it's not a Fredian slip cause I don't know what writhing is. I'll have to look it up. I'll ck out some more though.
Thanks so much for being so understanding, I'll ck out some more of your works though, maybe I can connect to some.Just I couldn't that one.
I'm glad we connected I like your attitude, Heck my nephews and I don't understand each other sometimes either but it doesn't mean we don't adore each other :-)

[Bluefire]

Chilling, yes, I think that most describes it for me. But chilling in a different way then I know how to explain.
Well done, I quite liked the imagery and story to this. ^^

[Andrea Mouser]

wow just wow lol XD i must now read more

[Valeigh Starr]

I love the form and I connect with the emotional content behind the pictures. It took a couple readings to get a more full effect, but I like having to do that. Interestingly, I saw a couple very different meanings when I looked at it from different perspectives of cynical vs. hopeful. I love when poems can be reinterpreted like that to fit every mood. Strong read!

[Thaddius]

very perceptive of you. thanks for reading!