Woman

 

Someone please slow my brain down.

                           please. I am on the         verge

                                of begging.                                 I cannot sleep.

or breathe. Or function like I am supposed to     be doing.

                I might be in _ _ _ _ but

           everything keeps falling d own

                           on top of  m e .

I am thin king too much.

planning ahead, and falling apart.

there was never all that much foundation built,

so everything now, is weak from the start.

                it is hard to act okay when I can

                see everyone I care about breaking.

                                Hard to know that, I am never

                           ever

                                going to live up to what they all want to see.

      What they want me to  b e .

 

 

   go off to art school, they say, with a smile in their teeth,

                be that painter we all know you can be.

but why do I have to leave to do that?

I want to stay here. Live here. Thrive and keep going.

                                let you all down.

i am terrified. the economy is shifting and chipping,

stores closing, jobs evaporating.

yet. Here I am. A manager. No real college degree,

but I’ve got my foot in the door. No

                                bad credit hiding in my closet, no

                                high interest debt dragging me. Nothing to

                                stop me. I am that high powered wind that

           catches you off guard and knocks you down.

                I am just gathering force.

 

but.

   you all want me to lea ve.

start over again.

blank slate with nothing to hold me u p.

 

how do I tell y ou.

that i can not do that. Can not leave everything  that i have to my name

stuttering in the dus t.

I am whole here. Safe and no.

do not look at me and tell me its all about

a boy. Causes that is a blatant lie.

I am so much more than some love struck stupid

teenager.

I’ll be 20 in august.

I am finally feeling like

yes. This is the person I am supposed to be.

so stop staring, glaring, and demanding that

I start my life.

     how can you not see that I already have?

what are you missing?

I own my car. I own the house I live in.

I have a stable job. I love the people I am around.

 

I am happy.

 

Isn’t that the american dream?

 

 

Alright.

So someone please stop me.

because I am thinking for myself.

 

Which is the last thing someone in my shoes

                with the hopes of everyone

                                all these bets and ideas

                riding on my over used tired shoulders

should be doing.

 

I need to cut all this off with some more

scar tissue and be the daughter

                                    the art student

                                    the child

everyone is expecting.

 

 

 

I am a Woman, though.

Someone who thinks for herself.

And I am just realizing how powerful

I can be.

 

So as I beg you to stop me,

I am daring you to try.

Reviews

[Jon Cooper]

I love it!

This was amazing:
"I am a Woman, though.
Someone who thinks for herself.
And I am just realizing how powerful
I can be."
and if there is one person that line would ever make me think of, it would be you.

I like the idea of everyone telling you go off to "start your life" when you already know that it has started. That you don't want to leave to do so. That you can be successful here :]

Quite an amazing work :]
As always.

[Baylin Snow]

Wow, this is amazing.
It really makes you think about things,
and makes me say, damn I am a woman too.
You know where you stand.

I love this.

[John Stussy]

Powerfully written Rachel! The format pushes this piece along, words alone this piece would have packed a powerful punch but the way you put it made the piece thrive with its own energy, moving as thoughts naturally do. Excellent job, more expression of you as yourself, as your own woman.