chatting with death

"Where am I?"

"No idea. You could be anywhere. Maybe you're in the house you grew up in as a child, maybe you're sitting in a field of flowers, maybe you're sitting next to me and we're watching a movie. It's not a movie, though. It's just people dying in front of us."

"... What?"

"Gah! You're dead. I'm Death. Welcome, pathetic spirit, to the afterlife."

"I'm... I'm dead?"

"Didn't I just say that? Jeez. Yes, you're dead. Any more questions?"

"How...? Why?"

"How? You were in a car accident. Some drunk guy came swerving 'round a corner and slammed right into you. Don't worry, though, he's dead, too. As for why, I'm not sure. Maybe God just hates you."

"I was what? I can't have died! What about my family?"

"Your family? Well, your husband is devastated, obviously, but he gets over it in a few years. Your daughter grows up just fine. She was only a few months old. It's not like she'll remember you."

"But I-"

"Woah, woah, WOAH! Don't go complaining to me, Honey. I just reap the souls of the dead. If you wanna complain, wait a few thousand years in line and complain to bushy beard about how you want your life back."

"You... You're really rude. Who do you think you-"

"I already told you who I was. I'm Death."

"Death."

"Yup."

"Okay, Death. What am I supposed to do now? Do I hang out with you forever?"

"What? Ew, no. You go on in whatever direction. Find the bird people and go on your merry way to Heaven."

"Bird people?"

"The angels, stupid."

"Don't I have a choice?"

"Huh?"

"Am I allowed to stay with you, or do I have to go?"

"What? I... Well, I guess you could stay. I don't really want you to, though."

"Why not?"

"You're annoying, obviously."

"I-"

"Move along, petty soul, move along."

Author's Note

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