"Average"

An "average" man has an "average" day

I always come off fretful whenever I say, “I wish I was special.” I guess these words make me seem like I'm not happy with what I have.

 I'm not though.

I'm a simple man living an uneventful life. I suppose I'm a good kind person so I guess I'm happy at the core of myself, but I dream constantly. I'm in an interview talking about my victories and projects to come. I'm in front of a crowd shouting their adoration at me. I look up and see my empty room in place of the great moment I built for myself. Even now I'm on the couch with my favorite late show host. Talking about my new show and how I poured my soul into it.

   

 All I've done today is spray some bugs in the kitchen.

I pick up a game and I give up after twenty minutes. I can't even focus on what I use to love. I just wait for the day to end watching movies and finding something that only requires me to laugh.

            That is all I can handle.

Thinking maybe I just need some fresh air I walk to the vending machine a few blocks down. I buy a soda and relax on the bench near the court house. My thoughts wander again but this time I'm not famous. This time I'm just walking through empty streets. Not the apocalypse, but a world where I was born alone. Where I never learned what was normal and did nothing but discover.

 Safe, no pressure to win, and a heart full of wonder.

I finish my soda and get up. I haven't talked to anyone yet today. Not an uncommon occurrence in my life, but I need something. I call an old friend and I hear my own voice for the first time today.

“Hey, wanna chill today?” my throat sounded sore and I offered the request. The response was a “sorry no” 

cause they were already out in the town over with the wife. It was a long shot so I'm not mad and simply say

 “Another time perhaps.”

I go back home and fire up the game again. I want to play it and I enjoy it but it's just under an hour where I find I don't have the energy to continue. I do what I always do in this situation and return to bed, Just under noon. My thoughts start to get mean, “Go ahead and waste away.”

 Waste away I did.