Mystery Man

Mystery Man

A Story by Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

Once upon a time, a man , no one knew what his name was, or  where did he come from?  Or anything about him…!

Most people knew that he is a good caring man. He always wore a  white vest with a cap that hides his features and the glow of his face that used to brighten up the street's dark,he looked  fine , as the people who have seen him say ..

He used to walk everywhere , in the narrow street's alleys , in the wood, and inside our houses too , some of them  were able to see him , and many others couldn't…

He is a light touch of caring… His joy was in drawing a smile on a poor child's dirty face… in sitting with an old woman listening to her faded stories … He always looked for those who needed him more than any other… he heard their sobs , their cold whispers between day and night… he heard their running tears …their wounded hearts and feelings…

He looked for us in our darkest moments … In our weakness, in our frustration  

He was delightful by helping us " the strange people"

Wiping the misery of faces lived on the streets, in dark alleys, in a Dumpster ...People who made street their last hope…

He reached his hand for a desperate teenager who wants to end his wretched being, by a jump off a roof , or by the sharpness of a blade that kissing his veins passionately …

He dried the tears of a wounded lover, a crying mother in the memory of her child's death

He tried to fix our bled hearts by a gentle touch of him…

He was and still around us when we crave his touch  … He has always drawn a smile upon our tears and grief… he is the invisible touch.. The sightless man … Who comes and goes ,and no one can see him, but the people who believe in him…

This man... Is called "Hope"










 

© 2013 Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )


Author's Note

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )
Its my first trial to write a story in English , any suggestions , please review :)

My Review

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Featured Review

It's a bit difficult to fully critique this considering English is not your first language. I can't imagine how difficult it is to write in a second language, but hopefully, I can get some minor points across.

I really enjoyed this piece! I wouldn't call it a story though. I might call it a fable? It can possibly even be warped into a fairy tale. Even though some of your wordings were a bit off, I understood what was going on and what you struggled to describe at times.

This could even be the start of a much bigger piece if you'd like? The character is highly likable. We (your readers) would like some dialogue too.

Just some quick advice, read as many popular novels as you can that are in English! That will help your wording out a lot.

98/100

Take care!
--Christoph Poe

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

English, so I hear, is a difficult language to learn to speak much less speak creatively! You deserv.. read more
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Will i have to disagree with you in this point chris , English it can't be difficult at all , in fac.. read more
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

And thank you for your sweet wishes ^_^



Reviews

It's a bit difficult to fully critique this considering English is not your first language. I can't imagine how difficult it is to write in a second language, but hopefully, I can get some minor points across.

I really enjoyed this piece! I wouldn't call it a story though. I might call it a fable? It can possibly even be warped into a fairy tale. Even though some of your wordings were a bit off, I understood what was going on and what you struggled to describe at times.

This could even be the start of a much bigger piece if you'd like? The character is highly likable. We (your readers) would like some dialogue too.

Just some quick advice, read as many popular novels as you can that are in English! That will help your wording out a lot.

98/100

Take care!
--Christoph Poe

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Christoph Poe

7 Years Ago

English, so I hear, is a difficult language to learn to speak much less speak creatively! You deserv.. read more
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Will i have to disagree with you in this point chris , English it can't be difficult at all , in fac.. read more
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

And thank you for your sweet wishes ^_^
Wow!
I didn't expect the end (which is a good thing ;) )
I like this story a lot. There is always a first time to everything and you nailed yours. The way you've created the image of the man by his clothes and the light in his face is creative. The disparate calls he gets and the way he heals people is magical.
There are a few things I would change though for example I would change the title of the story into something dark and mysterious to surprise the reader with the fact that he is the opposite and in the beginning I would describe the place of the story now I know you want it to be mystery but it would give us a little more to imagine so I would start the story with something like this:” Once upon a time in the far mountains of disbelieve lived a man with no shadow to trace…..” and before declaring that he was hope I would talk about the ones who didn’t know him or had no chance to live with him and how their lives were miserable and that he wanted to help them but they refused his help. I don’t know I don’t write stories but I like to read them a lot.
Well done Hadeel. I hope to read more stories and poems soon :D

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Habibty thank you for your constructive review
yes there is first time for every thing :)
very interesting nice story. i like it

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

:)
Loved the metaphor Hadeel, you were very lucky with your choice of words here, and as your very first short story, this is very good indeed, I felt like you meant other than it seemed, I simply enjoyed it, keep writing, you have a talent :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

I'm so sure its away better than mine :)
Dalia

7 Years Ago

I don't even know its under construction
I'll not rush it :)
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

:) Take your time
This is really good, I enjoyed it! Nicely written :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Thank you my friend :P i still wanna borrow it :P
s y e

7 Years Ago

Haha xP
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

^__*
A simple story with a moral tale Hadeel

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Thanks john ^_^ I always admire your reviews :)
What a beautiful, heart warming, tender and inspirational story....
love the plot and how it fills the heart with warmth as one reads...

superb writing Hadeel :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Thank you Yaseen , i am so glad you liked it ;)
very nice concept. I would suggest breaking up the paragraphs a but in formatting. the way you have it laid out makes it bit more difficult to read. I like the concept. It would be nice if you added something specif hope does so we s the reader can follow what he does. Very nice start!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Thank you i will take your advice into consideration :)
your first story in English... thats why your wording wasn't all that great. I have to say that some of the story was in the present tense and most of it was in the past so that kind of threw me off just a little. But i do believe with a little work your writing will get better, all these mistakes are understandalbe and you have nothing to be ashamed of... good job and keep it up. Thank you for sharing, yours truely Danielle

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Welcome i appreciate your honesty :)
heart touching read

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

7 Years Ago

Thank you ^_^

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652 Views
14 Reviews
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Added on February 1, 2013
Last Updated on February 2, 2013
Tags: mystery, hope, sad, poor, misery

Author

Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )
Hadeel ( Charming Fairy )

Amman, Jordan



About
I am a girl with a huge ambition, I know how to express my feelings very well , And i can do it either by writing or drawing. but recently i am heading to write more and more , and i hope that i could.. more..

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