Daffodils in my Lungs

For Christina. Mom, I inhaled a vitamin. That's ok. It's will just grow into a bouquet. Flowers in my lungs

This is what happened, this is what I wrote. From the depths of my insanity...Mom, I inhaled a vitamin. Well, it will just grow into flowers. A bouquet in my lung.

Eating nerds when I was three. In front of the aquarium. Dad would like a nerd. Where should I put it, with no pockets? I'll put it in my nose. It will be safe there.

The flowers, the dandelions, picking blackberries, discovering daffodils, or whatever you call them. Falling into the abyss on Star Wars. Those scary light swords. And then I met you. I was a baby and you were a baby in my dream.

A cartoon baby. The rainbow that brought me there. Picking the skin off my feet. Who cuts the bottom of their feet? The wizard of Oz. This is before I met you. Before I saw you on the floor, your long black hair and a blank expression. This was you. You fell above from the water.

You were a mermaid to my brain. And the Swiss, the chalet and the subtleties of your touch. I punched you in the stomach. You laughed and said "How about you love Haley Adams Smith" well I smiled and rolled on my back, nooo...

Holding your hand so tight on the bus, I looked back when you got off, headed home, and you looked urgent and I turned away. It was a month later I realized you left your bags on the bus.

Your beard, your hair, your nose. And the endless letters back to you , "Have you heard,,,the storay,,,of the spidah...and the alligata" It was always this way I said. There was something in your walk, a click like when tap shoes...To turn to your body, and not know it was you. And then thrashing because I knew it was. You cut your hair. It lay down so soft and smooth

"I saw clouds" I saw them too. Vann..the skeleton interviews the clouds of smoke. Writing on Lady Gaga's wall, thankful for the gift of painting, and brown eyes and brown hair. Thankful for my life. Thankful for my sister. Your picture frame sits by me on the bed. Icing, a cupcake frame, and you. With your dog. And me, with my bed. When my hands were behind my back I saw you, my heart exposed. That was my goodbye. My heart couldn't help but beat, couldn't help but reach. Then I went to jail.