I Want To Turn Back The Time

I didn't know you well,

And that's the sad thing,

Because now I never will,

Never can.

I often think of you now,

I think about what you were like,

Laugh at some of the stories I have heard,

Occasionally shake when I get that thought: 

You're not coming back.

It seems now that you're gone,

I feel like I did know you.

What else could explain,

Why it makes me so sad.

When I sleep, I have these dreams:

You are still here.

Everything was just a misunderstanding.

It wasn't actually you.

You're still here with the people you love,

And who love you back,

So much.

Everything is fine.

But I realize it's not true.

It's like my mind won't let me accept it.

Like it wants to hang onto this hope,

Even if it's no use.

I pray to God,

That the time can be turned back,

To right before that moment,

That awful moment that ended everything,

That tore everyone up inside.

And for you to realize it doesn't need to be this way.

What if you realized that?

That it was a permanent solution,

To a temporary problem.

Would you not do it?

I don't think you realized,

How many people this would hurt,

How many tears would stream down everyone's faces.

You were truly loved.

This town will never be the same.

The only peace we may get from this,

Is that you are looking down on all of us.

From the sky, where you are happy.

I like to think that,

Those moments where,

The sun seems to be pouring out of the clouds like water.

It's you talking to us.

Smiling at us.

Author's Note

I feel like these emotions could make a great poem. But I didn't accomplish it. Could you give me suggestions on how to improve this? Thank you

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

You're pretty hard on yourself critically; there is a lot to like in this poem.
I understand why you had such high expectations though, because anytime a person commits suicide, well...it's very emotional, and that's what poets are supposed to use for material. Here, you express what you were feeling very well, and that's the most important thing.

The poem is really straightforward, which makes it sort of bland--usually people use lots of descriptive imagery, interesting rhyme schemes and meter, or metaphor in order to give the poem more emotional impact and make it resonate. Basically, that's what I think this needs. You've succeeded in doing the most fundamental thing, which is writing what you feel, but it's very literal. That could be part of your style, but I think that if you are unsatisfied and looking for something different that you should look at each line and stanza, and think about how you can say it differently. I could give you examples of how to do that, but really the best thing to do would be to look around this site since there are lots of good writers whose work could inspire you to try new things in your own writing.

This stanza was my favorite:

"I like to think that,
Those moments where,
The sun seems to be pouring out of the clouds like water.
It's you talking to us.
Smiling at us."

The line about the sun and the clouds is full of imagery! I think that's what you could add to other places in your poem, just do exactly what you did with that line and describe how you feel or how something seems in an unusual way.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. Poetry can be use to try to understand desire and emotion. I like the desire to know the boy and also understand the possible dangers. I like the positive ending. A excellent poem. Dreams are the door to real life and goals.
Coyote