Satan and Me pt. 1

My day by day life with my half-man half-goat roommate Satan

Satan lets out a long howl as I slam the gas pedal. The sky was dark, roads lonely, and my apartment empty of booze. We were driving towards the 24/7 gas station that was 15 minutes away. It was 1:26 am. “ Woooooeeeeeeeee!” Satan had the passenger window rolled down and was smacking the outside of the car door with his hand. Juice Wrld was playing on the radio; obviously, his unreleased s**t. Satan turned up the volume and kept making sounds. I was too focused on the mission at hand, weaving through the turns with speed. 60 on the dash, 70, then 80. The car went up a small slope and we flew a couple inches off the ground, landing with a thud. “Alright,” I said,“ I’ma slow down a bit. I can’t bear the idea of dying sober.” I ease my foot off the gas, light a cigarette, then lower my window. I shake my head,“ I hate having to do this bullshit every time. How can North Carolina be all about republicans and ‘ less government, more guns’ but I can’t get a beer at 2 am?” Satan turns to me,“ Fax bro, I hear in New York there's liquor stores on every corner and they have no curfew for alcohol.” “ Foreal? S**t man it sucks it’s too expensive to live there. I wouldn’t be able to stand all the people either.” “ Too many of those a******s are starting to move down here. Soon the highways won’t be empty at night anymore.” “ Yea, f**k that. I’ll be long gone ‘fore that happens.” “ Oh yea? Where to?” “ Ion know… Maybe the midwest. It’s more empty there than here. Or maybe Europe. Or Mexico. I gotta practice my Spanish though.” “ F****n’ no sabo kids. You guys are such a joke.” “ F**k you dawg. It ain’t my fault my mama ain’t teach me when I was a kid. She wanted me to learn English first so I could translate for her. I can speak Spanish alright, but not fluently. I understand it a hunnid percent though.” “ I bet she’d be pissed if you moved back.” “ Why you say that?” “  Well think about it bro. She brought yall here cause of cartels and s**t. Worked day and night so yall could eat, sleep. You’d kinda be spitting in her face if you went back.” “ I guess. But s**t man, it’s getting hard to live here nowadays. I hear a s**t ton of Chicanos are moving to Mexico. Rich white people are catching on too. Fuckers.” “The rich do tend to get a heads up sooner than most.” I grunt and nod my head as we finally come up to the highway exit leading to the gas station. 

There was only one car in the lot; likely the cashiers, and I parked in reverse next to it. I tried to reverse park everywhere I went, just in case. You never know when you gotta skrrt out of there fast. I took my time taking my seatbelt off. Satan had already spun out of the passenger seat, closed the door, and was doing some form of the cha cha as I was still getting out. “ You’ve been mad energetic today,” I say. Satan gallops to the gas station door and holds it open with a slight bow, “ My liege, after you.” “ hardy har har,” I walk past him and go straight to the beer section. I liked this station cause they carried imported beers from a whole bunch of places. I had already tried some from Poland, England, Thailand, and Japan, and was searching for one I hadn’t had yet. I was staring at all the different types through the glass while Satan eyed the pizza and tacos they had in the food section next to the drinks. “ Yo bro. We should get some pizza for the munchies later.” I grab a 12 pack of German IPAs with a smirk, “ Great minds think alike.” I turn around to find Satan already leaning on the cashier counter; legs crossed, one hoof off the ground. He was waving the pizza in the air trying to hurry me up. I walked over to him while also staring at the vapes lined up beside him. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I place the beers on the counter and smile at a female cashier I’ve never seen before, “ Busy night at all?” 

She was black, had a lollipop in her mouth and was swirling it around with her right hand, eyes looking down at her phone. “ Not really,” she replied, still staring at the screen. “ Ah, well that's nice.” She glances up at me, “ Why’s that nice?” “ I just mean like cause then it’s a chill shift. You’re getting paid to chill.” She pulls the lollipop out of her mouth, twirls it in the air, and puts her other hand on her hip. “ You calling me lazy?” “ What! No! No! I just mean-” She giggles, “ I’m just f*****g with you. Don’t worry,” and starts scanning the items. I put my hand behind my head and chuckled, “ You got me.” Now that she had her head up I was able to get a better look at her. She had a very nice rack and curvy hips that dipped like an erotic mountainside. Her face was plain and looked tired, but she wasn’t wearing any makeup so I gave her points for that. “ When does your shift end?” “ At 8. I got here at 11. You paying with card or cash?” “ Umm card please.” She was wearing black jeans and a gray shirt that said “ Jesus Loves You” right above her enormous tits. I inserted my card into the reader and she put the beer and pizza into a bag. “ You got any plans for when you get off?” I asked. Her mouth curves into a smile, “ Why? You wanna take me on a date?” Clearly this was a slow night for her. “ You always flirt with customers?” “ Only the cute ones.” “ You’re very forward.” “ I find that most guys are too scared to ask, so I do it.” “ I’m not sure if I’ll be up by then. I’ll probably be passed out. But I’d be down for tomorrow night if you're free?” “ Well it’s your lucky day cause fortunately I am off tomorrow. Here's my number.”  She grabs one of the pens on the register, scribbles on the lollipop wrapper that was no longer being used, and hands it to me. “ Sounds like a plan. I’ll call you tomorrow.” “ I hope you do.” I grab the bag and motion Satan to the door. “ Don’t drink all that by yourself,” I hear behind me. I turn, smile, then step out. Satan lit a cigarette and turned to me, “ Nice pick up bro.” “ Ha! She picked me up.” We got in the car and I put the bag behind the driver’s seat. We were pulling out when I finally realized that I hadn’t got the cashier's name. Well s**t, I’d look like a fool if I went back now. I’ll just ask on the phone later I guess. I drove home while hitting a bit of Satan’s cig. 

When we got back to the apartment I put the pizza in the oven, cracked open a beer, then began to roll a J on the couch. Satan took a chug of his own beer while snatching the rolling tray out of my hands, “ Let me do it. You can’t roll for s**t.” “ Yo suck my dick dawg.” “ F**k you.” “ F**k you!” “ Yo lets watch some one piece dawg.” “ Broooooo, we’ve grinded like 300 episodes this month. Let’s watch something else. Or you wanna play some chess?” Satan snorts, “ You’re funny,” then grabs the remote and opens Crunchyroll. One Piece is this anime that's been going on since the 90s. There’s like 1000 episodes and the writer is still kicking. It’s entertaining, don't get me wrong, definitely Top 5 anime, but it gets way too repetitive when you watch it for long periods; every story arc kinda feels the same. We get past the intro credits when Satan finally finishes rolling. “ Look at that beauty! A perfect pearl!” He shoves the J in my face. “ One of your finer works, I agree.” “ I don’t need you to agree wit s**t, it is.” “ Shut up and light the damn thing.” Satan lights the J and takes a couple slow puffs then passes it to me, “ Yo you remember what strain this s**t is?” “ Gorilla Glue I think. It’s sativa.” “ You need to start buying indica.” “ Indica makes me sleepy. I like to work high.” “ Fax.” We get through the pizza and 5 episodes when I decide that's enough for me and go to my bedroom. “ Aight. Goodnight bro," Satan says. “ Night.” I grab a beer, chug it, and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Today was a good day. I turned to my side and reached for my bedside drawer; pulling out my razor. I go through my usual act of adding more slices to my chest, put my razor away, then go to sleep.