Seize the Sun

Her back arched, as a series of incoherent words escaped the sanctity of her lips.

His head snapped up from his restless sleep that night to watch her dream only nightmares.

            “Please…” was all he heard as he watched three lone tears fall from her closed eyes.

            He leaned towards her from his chair by her bedside, ready to soothe her nightmares away.

            She twitched, her body trying to fight away the pain she felt.

            “Stop…stop hurting me,” her voice lost itself in a moment of pure painful bliss, “please.”

He knew the pain she felt. He was the only one that witnessed everything she was going through. At school, she would wear the most beautiful smile, to show everyone, it wasn’t hurting her, to show everyone, that she was strong. However, at home, she cowers under the pressures of the pain & the hurt her boyfriend was causing her, & she would crumble to the floor like an ancient masterpiece trying to stand the tests of time. He was the only one that watched her break so fully; he was the only one there to comfort her. Not even that low life b***h she called a boyfriend. The boy she loved with all her heart & soul, she gave him everything & he gave her nothing. He didn’t call once to make sure she was okay, he never soothed her during lunch, or nutrition, he just dragged her everywhere, flaunting her beauty to the males around her.

            That b***h just took her & her love for granted.

She twitched once more, her fingers searching for anything that could heal her pain.

            He leaned over his chair & reached for her hand. She grasped it tightly in her palm, refusing to let go. He returned the gesture with a squeeze of his own hand, as she whispered vows of unmistakable love to the liar in her head.

            He stared at her. She was so beautiful even in her pain. Her black hair hung loose around her small frame, her beautiful full lips lay parted in the dim morning light, cracked by the dehydrated lake of her persona, her eyes though closed were a beauty within themselves, dark & mysterious they were the color of the night. Though she was broken, she was the most beautiful thing he ever set eyes upon.

            “All I ever did was love you,” her perfect eyebrows creased together sending a shock of frenzy through his heart. More tears fell from her eyes & a shock of pain like an electric current ran through him, he would do anything to stop her suffering.

            He closed his eyes.

He remembered how she use to be, so full of life, radiant, shining even brighter than the sun. She use to laugh so freely, now her joyous bubbling was strained, as if she tried so hard to let the gesture escape from her lips. She always seemed to get such a far away look in her eyes, unable to concentrate on anything that was at hand. He recalls one particular day where she collapsed in the hallway from the lack of energy, all that crying took so much out of her. That boyfriend of hers didn’t even call for the nurse; he was nowhere to be found, probably off with that s**t of his. He remembered the screams from various girls & how no one even bothered to pick her up, no one even bothered to help her. When he heard about it, he had rushed out of the classroom despite the teacher’s yells & rushed halfway across the campus to gather her in his arms & run to a sanctuary.

He remembered how she thanked him, & told him she was so sorry for not being strong enough to do this on her own. & he ran a hand through her hair & told her it was okay, that everyone needs someone, & that’s when she broke down again & whispered how she wasn’t going to be able to find someone to love her for her, how it was only going to be a game for the rest of her life.

            If only she knew how completely & utterly in love with her he was.

She moved, only slightly, as he broke out of his memory & dropped to his knees besides her bed. He looked at the time; 5:40, she would be getting up soon & then she would need to face another day horrible day at school, where everyone thought she was to blame.

            A gasp escaped through her lips as her torso shot straight up from her bed, her lips sending themselves in a frenzy of coughs. She shot out of bed like a bullet & ran to her bathroom, immediately dropping to her knees she lifted the toilet seat & let the acid from her stomach run through her mouth. & he was right behind her, tearing her hair away from her face so she could throw up the nothingness inside her.

            Thirty minutes passed of painful wheezing, when she finally gave up, & crawled away from the toilet. He followed her as she curled up in a corner & let the tears flow down her eyes freely, not stopping them. He sat next to her; placing his arm around her shoulders he soothed her as she cried.

            He so desperately wanted to tell her he loved her, to tell her how much she meant to him, how she was his heaven on earth. But he couldn’t, because she was in love with someone else, & if he told her he loved her, it would only confuse her more, & cause her more unnecessary pain.

            She twisted away from her corner into his embrace, her face digging into the wonderful smell of his black shirt. How she always loved the scent of his cologne.

            He tightened his arm around her & placed his face in her hair. They sat like this for another hour, sleeping tightly in each other’s warmth when her alarm went off, scaring the both of them out of each other’s arms. She walked to her bed & shut it off, letting the silence behold them once more.

            He got up, & sat next to her, joining her in the comfort of the springs.
She placed her head on his shoulder.

            “Thank you Marvin,” she whispered delicately, as if her voice was to break any moment.

            “It’s no problem,” he whispered back, running a hand down the length of her hair, “I’m always here for you, you know that.”

            “I know,” she dug her face in his shirt once again, “I just wish it didn’t hurt this much.” She bit her lip, afraid of the tears coming back again.

            He stiffened, hearing her say how much it hurt her, pained him as well. He didn’t like seeing her suffer, if he could, he would trade places with her, he would gladly let himself hurt, instead of having her in pain.

            He turned & looked at the clock, it was seven, and they would be late for school.

She lifted her head from his chest & looked over at the clock as well. She made a face.

            “We’re going to be late.”

He nodded.

            He flung himself on her bed & closed his eyes.

            “You can’t keep doing this to yourself Destiny.”

She backed against the head board & brought her knees to her chest.

            “I – I know.”

            “You need to break up with him.”

Her heart stopped, she felt the emptiness returning again.

            “I – I can’t.”

He sat up & looked at her.

            “It’s for the best…”

She returned his gaze, her eyes glossy from the onset of new tears forming.

            “But, I love him, & he loves me.”

It was like a blow was just delivered to the middle of his torso, knocking all the breath out of him.

            “He keeps hurting you.”

She looked out the window at the overcast morning.

            “I know, I just, maybe, it’s for the best. Every couple goes through this.”

            “He’s cheating on you Destiny.” His mind screamed at his lips. He wanted to tell her, just like everyone else told her, but she wouldn’t listen. She would only tell him that her heart says he isn’t. That her boyfriend is telling her the truth that he isn’t lying through his venomous teeth.

            He looked over at the clock again.

            “Come on, let’s get ready for school, I’ll take you to McDonalds on the way there.”

            Her eyes lit up – dimly, at the sound of her favorite breakfast, he just hoped she could keep it down.

            He leaned over & ruffled her hair.

            “I’ll be back in thirty minutes. Go get ready; I’ll call you on your cell phone when I’m downstairs.”

            She smiled, & his heart started beating faster. He kissed her on her cheek & walked out of the room, & out of the apartment.

            She stared off into space for a while, trying not to remember her pain, but when a voice in her head said the name of the person she loved, she cringed.

            Michael.

She dragged herself out of bed, trying to stand on her own, she did not succeed. With the help of the wall & the furniture around her, she made her way to her bathroom. She flicked on the lights, & looked at herself in the mirror. It was barely 7:20 in the morning & she was already crying. She cried all the time everyday. In the morning, as soon as she woke up, tears would be down her face, in the car with her best friend Marvin, she couldn’t stop herself from the tears streaming out of her eyes, in class, in the hallways, in the streets, when she would see him, she would cry, she would always cry, nothing was able to stop her. She was just too weak to handle this but she wanted it, she wanted his love more than anything in the world, she wanted to feel, what it was like to be loved even if it meant that she would have to hurt in the process.

            She took the brush out of her drawer & let its teeth run over her long hair. Compulsively she ran it over & over & over again.

            Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed as she continued to brush her hair. Once, twice, three more times, she couldn’t stop.

            “ Quit it Destiny.” Her mind whispered, but her hands kept moving. “Destiny stop.” However her body didn’t function to the signals from her brain. “DESTINY STOP IT NOW!”

            Finally, her hand slowed, & froze. She placed the brush on the counter & looked at herself in the mirror. She felt disgusted with what she saw.

            She turned around & headed for her closet.

She twisted the doorknob & let the creaking sounds of the door fill the room. The darkness from within enveloped her, reaching out with it’s claws to her broken body. She flicked on the light, not ready to give up just yet.

            She snatched her sweater & shirt off their rightful hangers & threw them on her bed. She grabbed her shirt from the bottom & tore it off her body allowing the ghosts & ghouls around her to witness the scars she created to stop herself from screaming.

            She stole a glance at the full-length mirror in front of her. She looked disgusting. Her hair, though brushed for over ten minutes still looked tangled & greasy. Her body – though skinny – looked fat & stubby.

            She walked over to the mirror & examined herself more thoroughly.

She had bags under her eyes, from not being able to sleep the entire night for days. Her lips were chapped, cracked, & scarred once by the beautiful knife she carried with her.

            She placed her hand on the mirror, by her reflection.

From the corner of her eye, she could see the vast lines of scars decorating her arm; one, two, three cuts, more lay there within the blink of an eye. She remembers when she started.

            Her cell phone vibrated.

"Destiny?" it read

Something inside her broke, she knew it couldn't be good.

"Yes?" she replied

Her heart pounded

"I can't go out with you anymore."

Tears welled up before she could comprehend the pain. Her stomach twisted as she fell to her knees. Her face contorted from its usual breathtaking brilliance, to the angel of pain. Her face bled into scarlet as the tears fell, her head began to ache as she typed her reply through blurry eyes.

"Why?" she wanted to scream.

"I just can't. Someone threatened me to break up with you."

No one could do that. No one CAN do that.

"I'm not allowed to be happy," she thought & curled up in a ball.

Then, the heartache began.

She walked into the living room screaming at no one but hoping someone would hear.

Blindly she stumbled to the kitchen searching for the computer, she opened it, & typed the words Myspace.com in the header.

She opened her inbox & there it was, sitting there, taunting her with flames.

"He cheated on you. He doesn't love you. That's what he told me, we've been together 7 months now."

Anger burned within, she knew what he said in his text message was a lie. No one threatened him; he just didn't want to be with her anymore. & At that moment, she wanted to die, at that moment, she gave up. At that moment, she knew if he didn't love her, no one ever could.

Then, suddenly, without thinking she gripped her cell phone tight & threw it against the ivory wall as she watched it shatter to the carpeted floor. Her hands tightened around the knife on the counter as she raised it high & slammed it down on the table, it ripped through her velvet skin like butter & made her bleed a stream of life, love, regret, & pain.

 

& As it cut her flesh, she didn't even scream, only until she looked in the mirror.

     Marvin was furious the moment he found out about her scars, not only was he furious, but he was scared. She remembered how he cried over her bed while she was bleeding, how he had asked her to never ever leave him, & how she promised she would never do it again.

            She had found another way to destroy herself.

Suddenly, her phone rang & she ran to pick it up. It was Marvin sure enough, & she hurriedly forced on her t-shirt & sweater & ran out the door.

            He was waiting for her as usual in his father’s yellow car with their favorite station blasting sound on all speakers.

            He threw the bag of food at her as she soon as she sat on the cold leather.

She smiled.

            She tore the bag open & sniffed the wonderful scent of her morning breakfast.

            “Yum,” she licked her lips & dug in.

            “Hey,” he looked over at her chomping down on her meal, “one of those is mine!”

She laughed.

            “Not anymore it isn’t!”

He leaned towards her with his right hand & tried to grab the bag away from her. She raised her hand up to the ceiling of the car so he couldn’t reach.

            “Give me my sandwich!” He whined.

            “Nope,” she smiled.

He blew his bangs out of his face.         

            “Come on I paid for them.”

            “So? That doesn’t mean anything,” she tore off another piece of her sandwich.

             “I’m hungry though.”

            “Go buy yourself something else, you know these are my favorite.”

He tried to snatch it from her again, as the car swerved slightly to the right.

            “Marvin!” She screamed, “You’re going to kill us!”

            “Then give me my sandwich!”

            “NO!”

He leaned again but she put the bag on the floor. He looked at her.

            “Cheater.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

            He blew his bangs out of his face again as he stopped at a red light.

Silence dropped everywhere around them, the only thing they could hear was the pitter-patter of the falling rain against the windshield of the car.

            He looked at her from the corner of his eye.

She was smiling slightly, her mouth curving at the corners of her lips. It wasn’t a large smile, like the ones she wore only two months ago. It wasn’t as radiant as the sun, but this small smile was just as brilliant as the stars, & he was content with that.

             He pulled up to the school & saw her demeanor falter. She seemed so…scared to go, to face her fears in the shape of someone she loved. She twitched, her body raging like broken thunder. She dug her nails into her hand & began scratching, over, & over, & over again, a compulsive disorder.

            He cut the car engine & looked over at her.

Her breathing was ragged, like she was being cut of oxygen. Her fingers were no longer scratching her hand but held over her heart, clutching it, as if trying to hold it together. Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, either from the cold or from the pain. She seemed so broken.

            He looked over at the school, he breathed.

It took everything in his will power to stay in the car & not hunt down that little b***h. He wanted to hurt him, just like he hurt her; he wanted to watch him twitch uncontrollably, clutch his heart. He wanted to watch him break, just like he broke her. But she didn’t let him hurt him; she didn’t let him tell him anything, all he could do was sit by the sidelines & watch her nearly die, that was all he could do, that’s all he was allowed to do, & it hurt him so much.

            She reached for the lock on the door & unlocked it, her hand lingering on the handle. Before she could step out, he spoke.

            “Do you want to go to school?”
She looked at him, surprised & yet relieved. She wasn’t able to speak so all she did was nod her head.

            He placed the key in the ignition & set the car to life. It roared in it’s rebirth & he took off, as fast as he could to get her away from the school – far away, so she didn’t have to see it for the rest of the day.

            He stared at her from the corner of his eye. She didn’t seem to be getting any better, her breathing was still ragged, & her shoulders still shook – it seemed to be getting worse. Her teeth were chattering; that was the only thing that filled the silence in the car.

            She gripped her elbows together; puffs of frozen air escaped her lips.

He turned the heater on. She placed her hands over the little slits in the opening, allowing the heat to radiate through her body.

            She looked over at him, her eyes glossy from tears.

            “I want it to go away,” she whispered.

He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

            She put her head in her hands.

            “Please make it go away,” her voice was strained – holding back the tears. It was then that he realized why her shoulders were shaking. She had been crying since they left the school.

            He parked the car & reached for her, putting his arm around her shoulders he brought her closer to him.

            “Don’t cry Destiny,” he whispered into her hair, “he’s not worth it.”

That only made her tears worsen. He gripped her tighter to him, however he was careful not to break her fragile body beneath his grasp.

            “Please Destiny, I love you,” but he didn’t say it. He wished he did, but he didn’t. Those words stayed locked in his head.

            Finally, after two hours of unstoppable crying, she fell asleep, soundly in his arms. No nightmares while she was there, she was safe in his embrace.

            He placed her gently against her own chair & fastened her seatbelt tighter. He started the car once more as silently as he could – careful not to wake her - & drove off in the direction of her favorite place.

           

 

            “Destiny,” he shook her body gently. “Destiny,” he whispered in her ear.

After a few tries, her eyes fluttered open like butterfly wings. He smiled at her beauty.

            She yawned & looked up to find him cowering over her.

She smiled.

            “Hey.”

            “Good morning sleepy head,” he ruffled her hair.

She stretched as far as she could within the confinements of the car.

            “What’s up?”
He placed his hand out signaling her to take it. She placed her small ones in his & he lifted her out of the car. He stood behind her & placed his hands over her eyes. She giggled.

            “Where are we?”

            “It’s a surprise.”

She could feel the smile in his voice.

            He led her over the railing & removed his hands from her eyes.

 Her breath was taken away from her at the simple sight of the beauty that overlooked the town.

            “Aw, Marvin, you remembered.” She looked over at him.

He smiled.

            “How can I forget?”

She wound her arms around his waist, digging her face into his chest, she whispered to him lovingly.

            “Thank you for bringing me here, thank you for everything. Thank you Marvin. Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you so much. You’re so amazing to me. You’re the only person that understands what’s happening.”

            Suddenly, he felt broken.

He wished she loved him the way he loved her. He’s never wanted anything more in his entire life than her.

            But he couldn’t have her.

            & Yet, he stuck by her.

She leaned over the railing.

            “It’s so beautiful up here!”

He watched her, she seemed…alive now, unlike the broken girl he witnessed this morning. She seemed different, she looked, how she use too, when she was happy beyond all odds.

            He frowned at the memory.

There were rare occasions where she was blissfully happy now. Everything was weighted with worry with her. She could never really smile anymore, it was all so painfully hard, nothing came easy to her now.

            “Marvin look!” She pointed off towards the direction of the sky. “You can see our houses from here!”

He looked over to where she was pointing & smiled.

            “You’re right,” he whispered.

She sighed contently.

            Silently, the wind blew.

            “I wonder why it hurts so much.” She whispered, delicately. If the wind had blown any harder, he wouldn’t have been able to hear her.

            He pondered her statement for a moment. Unable to answer her question right away, he really didn’t know why it hurt so much. It just did. There was no logical explanation to the pain, it was just there, it came with the territory.

            However, he didn’t understand why she had to learn a lesson.

She looked over at him, her dark eyes glistening from the dim sunlight.

            “Heartbreak is inevitable.” He whispered.

She stared at him.

            “I guess that’s true.” She looked out over the city again.

            “However,” he continued.

She followed the traces of the city back to his eyes.

            “Suffering is optional.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

To be continued. <33

Reviews

[deeps]

I've sit with a knife before and thought about things myself
never did anything. I even had someone cheat on me
I can relate to this in places.
Towrd the ending about broke my heart.

This is very well written, wonderful characters,
Wonderful detail and very wonderful imagery.
This is amazing it really is. I really like the emotion
you put into this write.