I wish

I miss you mom. I miss you a lot. I so wish you could come back. But sometimes I wish you don't. Cause you definitely wouldn't be proud of me right now. I tried everything to do something that would make you proud of me. But now I'm not even trying. All I do is giving up. I just don't feel like continuing anymore. Life seems dragged. I need a motive in life. A goal in life. I need to do something that can cause a change before I die. Something that improves at least 1 life. I don't want to feel like useless anymore. I just don't.