smile

A Poem by Matthew Young

what became
of us
lovers of
yesterday
spent on
kisses and
warm cups of
jasmine tea
i had wanted
so bad
to set you free
to become
that dream you'd
reflect on at
night
lost in deep
sleep
awakening long
enough to
wrap your arms
around me
then head back into
that secret place
where no one could
ever find you
your waking
moments were
spent cataloging
these ideas
into paintings
you were so much
passion
and your love
was the greatest
fashion
if i could tag it
and place it on
a shelf
it would put
Marc Jacobs
out of business
but i can't
i'm only a man
worthy of you for
a fleeting moment
sometime not
too long ago
but long enough to
miss
long enough to
file away in the
far recesses of
my mind
where many bad ideas
lurk and wait
wait to perform
in the solitude
of my room
as candles burn
as the smoke of
sandalwood fills the air
masking that lingering
scent of you
of us
the smell of that
love not gone
but removed
like me
to a place of
shame
oh, G-d
how i wish i
could forget
each letter
of our cursed
names
this isn't me
it's not what i'm
to become
but these words
are
these words
which drove me
so far
so f*****g
far
from you
we were an ocean
and you were
the blue
sky cracking
for dawn
i was the moon
and the tide
became our
song
i sing it now
alongside the winter
snow gathered in
piles outside
i recall this all
and cry
i'm not strong
i'm only
a child
who would've held
your mother's hand
the day you were
born
had i been
strong enough
but i wasn't
and i'm not
these words
they're all
i've got
i will try to
smile
from here on
out
and think of you
like the light
you left behind
for me
for us
it means more than
any combination of
words could describe
Valerie
my love
you'll always be
here beside me
in bed
sleeping softly
you radiant
beauty
you rose
you always blossoming
into beautiful things
and when we meet
again
i will come
armed with
diamond rings
boxes of chocolates
and happier poems
i promise
for you
that is not
hard to do
just keep the
faith
hold the light
tomorrow is just
another day adding
onto today
another day before
i can see you
again
as a new friend
goldenbendingandpure
washing yesterday of
it's emptiness
and replacing it
with green love
the kind you dream
about
as i sit up
well into the
dawn
composing these
words for you
unraveling my
heart with adjectives
and stitching it
back up with
photographs of
us
wherever you
go
i hope you're
happy
whomever becomes
blessed enough to
hold your hand
i salute him with
my blessings
to him i give
my endless thanks
for taking on the task
of loving such
a saint
you are holy
to the
world
and time will
acknowledge this
your fame is
set in blank
canvases you've
yet to buy
many lovely things
will be created
onto them
just like we
created this dove
many years ago
as children
forced to grow up
way too
soon
but we made
the best of
it
you propped me
up in those
days and kept
me from falling
over
drunk
and
confused
i'm better
now
thanks
i'm better thanks
to that memory
of you
i chase
and that girllove
you gave to
me to chase
it with
it settled
somewhere inside
and became
womanlove i fight
the night with
it's conquered
many shadows
and has instilled
hope in my
heart where
there was once
nothing
thanks to that
flash of
you
there is now
something
which ends with
your name and
a smile