Free in my head

confusion

I know its true but i don't want it to be

I know it's what i need but i won't endeavour it

I know it's what i feel but i hate feeling it

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Except, i love the feeling 

its a feeling like no other 

My heart drops

My legs weaken

and i smile

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I smile like i never have before

It's a gradual one

It slowly grows across my face

It's intense

I can feel my muscles awakening

I can feel them working

and it's all because of that one feeling

That one knowing

That one split second of truth

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I can't say it out loud

But I scream it in my head

I can't act upon it in reality

But in my dreams I am free

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I think, this can't be true

It cant be real

It's not me

yet, i never feel this way about others

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years of dormancy still, in an instance 

my face almost recognises the feeling and reacts

I glow 

I laugh

I feel happy

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But then i realise 

I can never truly feel this 

or be genuine to myself

How am i supposed to finish this 

when i can never finish my day dreams in the day  

and my night thoughts stay asleep.