thoughts i can't quite say out loud yet

a poem, scribbled on the back of an envelope.

it's one a.m.
on a monday morning
and i am sober, but my head
is just as filled with
lonely thoughts
as it ever is when i'm drunk.

do i take up too much space?

i try to fold away my limbs,

tuck my head into my chest,

release the air from my lungs.

am i small enough now?

is there something i can do?

something to change?

i thought i was finally on

even ground and yet

even now i'm nothing but

a clumsy weight

taking up space.

i try to make light of it -

act like it's funny,

the way my arms feel like

lead weights, tied together,

when i see you've been laughing

without me.

isn't it funny?

it's one a.m. and i know

all of my friends are 

separated from each other,

spread out across the globe,

and yet still i feel as though

they are together 

and apart from me.

Author's Note

I don't know how I feel about this? The lack of capitals has been done for effect.