I offer, quickly my advice, to you

A little dark humor

The breath drained from my lungs

my heart beats no more

grown cold, my dead eyes

stare open, at the floor

Fallen from my chair

under too much drink

the knife digs deeper

from where it sinks

Blood pools beside me

thickly, a deepest red

Vanities I care not

for I am dead

My tongue hangs

from mouths open way

Rigor mortise sets quickly

stiffly, here I lay

My prattling jaw

quieted in untimely death

no more can I offer

wisdom in lifeless breath

My bony fingers.

Motionless, they type no more

lifeless hands, stiffly

grow cold on the floor.

Before passing, this I offer

quickly, my advice to you

to play with knifes while drinking

risk the chance they pass you through.

Reviews

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

Good one..May not have intended to be funny but I got a chuckle at the end...In the little town that I live in we have had three murders with knives..One was with two young males who liked the same girl, one was a prominent business man who was gay who killed a youth who made fun of him because of his sexual orientation, and the third was men in their thirties or fourties one had been married to a woman and the other was dating her...The man who was dating the woman left a place walking to try to stop a confrontation and several men and the woman't ex followed..The man walking pulled a knife and killed him ..
The man was not charged with murder..Sunflower..

[Coyote Poetry]

Wise advice in your last words. My father said." Don't know know how to use a knife. Best leave it on the table." The great description create a vision of waiting for death and thinking about it. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Linear]

I have read this before but was on my phone, so now i get the chance to tell you what i think, It's a fantastic poem, funny, dark, and with a great moral, never play with knives when drinking, you may SPILL some

[Shannon Math]

This was a really good writing piece. :) Keep up the good work!

[The Cute 1]

i loveee thissss

[Kymoo]

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! so clever and humorous. Lessons learned is your message.

[luciddreamer]

Love this write...and very good advice also :)
Peace
Robin

[Laha]

I think this is great. The line that caught me was " my dead eyes stare open, at the floor"...When I read this,the picture was vivid. You write very clearly and make every word count , as a reader I find this very pleasing :)
Also, I'm not sure if its "besides" or "beside" me....
~L

[Zoe Jay]

This is a great poem! Love the quirkiness, the immediacy, and the fast pacing. This is very readable and very engaging. Very interesting writing from this point of view, and I love the way you describe the scene in a simple, understated way which I think has more impact in this type of context than high description. I love how you enhance the clear message of the poem with the references to "vanities", and "prattling", and juxtapose them with "wisdom". Very neat, concise, well written poem with nothing unnecessary put in, and nothing necessary taken away. Excellent read!
Oh, but to me, it would be "rigor mortis".... :-)

[.]

. haha ! ... brilliant ! ... razor sharp and unforgettable ! ... and it's not a little but a lot of black humour ... what a read ! ...