Seatmate (April 3 2016) [draft]

Often a little hard to focus when my feelings are this loud. And they're loud whenever you're around. This spoken word poem is writes a kind of funny/giddy, delicate immature and unsure kind of love.

Every time you're around,
it's like my heart holds its breath
fighting the urge to blurt out

songs you make me sing

and words that dance with these feelings

like just the right kind of chills 
washing over my skin after a good song

but 

constantly.

With you this close,

my chest melts like 

cheese settling on pizza

determined to hold on but inevitably

pulled apart
slowly with bits and pieces unsure now
if they want to hold on or let go

my heart beats like a drummer who can't hear
it's loud and all over the place

but maybe that's just me

maybe i don't want to hear what my heart has to say

because maybe

no I KNOW

I know all I'll hear is your name

Please don't. 
don't tempt my pain with that smile 
it will latch on to you like that song by Sam Smith

No i'm not kidding
my love is dangerous. 
It's a jar of broken glass
held together in all the wrong places
by things that weren't meant to last

if you aren't careful,

if you hold my love in your hands,

you might just regret it

I know I have. 

But don't go.

can we talk?

we should talk.

no wait maybe later.

Oh you look nice, maybe I should tell you
no that would be weird

I am weird

I'm writing poetry
and you're sitting there like
poetry normally just radiates from the pores of your skin 

oh what I would give 

for awkward-not-so-awkward hugs
and comfortable laughter

hands and limbs falling into each other like plaster on a mold,

filling spaces we thought no one could ever reach,

falling in most natural way possible,

like all we needed was gravity and the right moment.

 

I'm worried God is going to punish me
for liking her this much. 

I've tried to quiet my heart,

but it's hard to focus when my feelings are this loud.

oh.

right.

i was praying.

thank you for her, God. 

amen.

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*silence*

oh sorry.
I get lost even in the memories,
i don't know if it's because I'm confused

I know I said my feelings
felt like melted cheese-
but when cheese cools
it's a lot easier to break

maybe that's what I have to do
but what if it's worth it?

I mean I know you are,

but are we?

Author's Note

It's meant to be a mix of awkward humor and serious insecurity which kind of fits what I'm like when I'm kind of in love.
this is still a very rough draft, I hope to take a bunch of it out.
what do you think of the 7th stanza? ("don't go") what feeling do you think I'm dealing with there?