4/12/15

This is one of my favorite writings. I wrote this 2 days after all of this happened with my Ex.

Not much was said between car exchanges. He helped me through the door of his attic and brought me into his egg smell of a room. I began to laugh at the stench and told him how badly is smells. He laughed too and sprayed some cologne he had to cover it up. I set my keys and jacket down and he immediately began to kiss me. It was a kiss full of thirst, and two people showing each other how much they had been missed. I stopped and asked if he could turn off the light and he began to hesitate then did so. We kissed into his bed and he stopped and turned on the light, as I asked him why he said, "I want to see you". I didn't complain, but that was the reasoning behind me wanting the lights off. I didn't want him to see me cry. I'm weak when it comes to him & I don't like to show that. He hungrily started to strip my clothes off. I could tell he was in a giving mood tonight, he wanted me to remember him. He wanted me to beg for him later through the week. At that moment I knew I was in for it tonight. He kissed me everywhere and before anything we switched up our positions and he dragged me onto his face. Keep in mind this was the first time we had done anything without me being completely shaved, so I was surprised when he wanted to. He was at it for a good 5-10 minutes trying to fill me with pleasure before he stuck himself inside of me. I was through with it, I needed him inside. I got off of him and pulled him behind me. He grabbed onto my hips and inserted himself deeply inside of me. It hurt because it had been so long, but I couldn't let him stop. I wanted him to show me how much I was missed. I wanted him to cum for me, and as soon as I tightened myself around him, he was mine. He had gotten his. He got up to dispose of the condom and turn off the lights. I laid there lifeless shaming myself for being in his bed let alone letting him f**k me. He got into bed and pulled me into him. Leaving me kisses all over. After a couple minutes we began to kiss each other everywhere. I was on top of him and the tears began. Damnit! I had tried so hard to keep it together. The second he is sweet to me it all falls apart. He sat up and onto the edge of the bed still kissing each other. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he stopped and held me tight. Hugging me, something we hadn't done in what felt like years. I began to cry more and trying to keep myself quiet until I heard his quiet sobs. I held him tighter and he held onto me like he never wanted to let me go. We both were sitting there wrapped into each other naked and crying. Through the sobs he said to me, "You're gunna find someone Emily". My ears couldn't believe what he had said. I knew right then we had to let each other go. This was our closure.

As the night went on we would talk here and there, nothing heavy. F**k when either of us wanted to. I did get irritated and moved away from him, and oddly enough he grabbed me and said, "Im sorry Em Im just really jealous about you", then pulled me into him and kissed my forehead down to my lips. We were falling asleep and my head was burried into his chest as I heard him say "First loves suck". I nodded my head and kissed his chest.

We woke up by his alarm and I mumbled to turn it off. He did & I rolled over and kissed him. I kissed him so hard to remind him I didn't want to let go. This led us into some morning f*****g (my favorite). I could've stayed there all day if he would've asked me to. We made a break out and he drove me to his car. Again not much was said. We got to my car and he grabbed me and kissed me, and we told each other goodbye.