Crime Drama

The city streets were no place for the young thing after dark, he knew this to be true

Crime Drama

By Jack Ivey

 

The city streets are dark and murky just like the coffee at Old Lil’s Diner and near as cold. A light rain cries from ashen skies causing an annoying steady drip from the brim of his fedora. He hates nights like these but then he hates most nights, the loneliness merely an extension of his worthless life. But here he is; another crime scene, another body in a crumpled heap amongst the garbage of a desolate alleyway. Lighting a cigarette he gazes on the lifeless mass now sprawled at his feet; blonde, slender, just like the others. He stands there, just now noticing the moisture seeping through the holes in his shoes, saturating his socks. 

 

His slate grey eyes dart back and forth, observing the grisly scene in more detail than most. How careless, he thinks as his mind gathers and catalogues the many clues that should not be as obvious as they are. A chilled gust of wind finds the alley; he pulls his trench coat a little tighter around his body. Her purse, one of those fancy designer names which he can barely pronounce lies intact on the pavement near the corpse. No, robbery was not the motive; that is clear. That would be evident to anyone with half a brain. Then why, why kill? That is always the question that batters his brain, causing the headaches that rage unending. Why was murder always the solution; when he figures that one out then maybe it will make a difference?

 

The swish of tires against the damp pavement averts his eyes to the street. He makes a mental note; gray Ford, white walls, dent in the left fender. He checks his watch, 11:59 pm; it is almost tomorrow, another day in this miserable city is about to arrive. Returning his gaze back to the body of the young woman, fear still shows in the expression on her face. “Wrong place, wrong time, my love,” he mumbles then exits the alley in search of his next victim, well before the police arrive.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading this short Flash Fiction story

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

I like the twist at the end very much...my only suggestion to you is pick a tense and stick with it. You fluctuate between past and present tense and it's distracting. Other than that, seriously good write.

[Jack...]

That seems to be one of my biggest downfalls, I will check it and see if I can make it better. Thanks so much and please anytime you see me changing tenses like that, please tell me, that is how I learn.

[KAOlmsted]

I will because it is one of my biggest pet peeves *laugh* My pleasure, Jack.

[Jack...]

Hey, if you don't mind running through it one more time, I think I have it fixed. Let me know and if not, that's ok too.

[KAOlmsted]

Looks like you fixed the tense problem, and now it flows more fluidly. I'm glad you chose present tense. My novel is written in present tense and I think it just lends to the urgency of the thing, you know? Like the reader is getting there at the same time as the narrator. Good job. Thanks for giving me the second look.

[Jack...]

Than you for helping me make it better...so your novel, is it somewhere where I can read it?

[KAOlmsted]

I usually have it featured, it's a work in progress, 37 chapters posted here, the 38th is in an open tab as we speak (I really should be working *laugh*) I'll go feature it now, it's called Judas Me...it's detective fiction. With a bent ;-) Thanks...that'd be cool if you took a look!

[Marie]

THis is good, as your work always is. But I knew the ending after the first paragraph.
It was an awful feeling, but not one he was not accustomed too.(TO)

[Jack...]

Waht would make it better, besides using the correct to? :)

[Jack...]

Or spelling what correctly

[Jack...]

I just eliminated the sentence completely, see if it reads better.

[Marie]

Eliminating the sentence does make it better. I didn't see any other errors. Your writing is always clean and polished.
And I want to thank you. This story gave me an idea for one of my own.

[Jack...]

Happy I could help