Addiction Part 1

Addiction

By: Jake Edelen

Introduction

Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you loved someone with an addiction? For me, it’s everyday. I watch the monster that becomes of them. I despise what they are. I ask for one simple thing of them; to get better. Help is denied when offered, and saying that they have a problem is like a slap in the face to them. If I could, I would re-write the addiction. I’d rather it be something else. But, whatever the drug of choice is, it’s bad either way. I thought I was the exception. You say that you love me, but when you’ve chosen your addiction over me too many times to count, that’s where I draw the line. I’m not sticking around to watch you drown yourself.

It starts off as any other day. I wake up next to him, his breath still smelling like the alcohol he drank from the night before. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to get ready for work today. I hope he won’t notice that I had to leave alone. He’s always been a mess when he wakes up and he’s hungover.

I turn on the the hot water, step into the shower and let the water run down my back. This is the first shower I’ve taken alone in two weeks. He always made a big deal about following me into the shower. That’s his favorite place. Suddenly, I hear footsteps heading toward the bathroom door. I know it’s him and I know this won’t turn out good.

“Kevin, did you get in the shower without me?” He yells at me.

“Yes, I did. I just wanted one shower alone.” I say back trying to defend myself.

He groans and his voice sounds deeper. I now know this will be ugly.

“I told you to ask me first. I like to save water and be with you.”

“Yes, I know Max. I just really needed some alone time. Do you think you could go a day without a shower?” I asked not trying to sound upset.

Max lets out a yawn and says something unintelligible, that sort of sounded like an “Okay, whatever.”

“Thank you.” I say back.

I continue on with my shower thinking about how this wasn’t the man I fell in love with.

-----

“Kevin Tarent, I’ve been with you for three years now, and these past three years have been some of the best years of my life. I cannot imagine living my life without you by my side, would you do the incredible honor of marrying me?” I started to cry as the words kept replaying over and over in my head.

How was I supposed to know he was abusive? He treated me the best, always bought me things, and he even talked about having a family one day. I don’t regret everything what we did together, but I do regret saying “yes” to marrying him. He changed into someone I didn’t know after I agreed to the proposal. He never told me he had a problem with alcohol, but he also told me he didn’t want help. I would do anything to get him help, if only he would accept.

Maxwell Peters, the man I once loved, is the person I fear the most everyday.

------

On the drive home from work I try to come up with an idea to convince him to get help. I love him too much to watch him drink himself to death.

What if I called his parents? Let his sister know what's happening? His family cares about him too much to see this happen, and I know they would love to know. I have to make a decision, and I hope it will be the right one.

“I’m home!” I yell out to let Max know I’m home.

“Hey baby. I’m glad you’re home, we need to talk.” He says back to me.

I walk to the living room because that’s where I can hear his voice coming from.

“What is it?” I ask him.

He looks at me with his beautiful blue eyes that I can see are full of pain and hurt. I can tell he’s tired and drowsy still but at least he hasn’t had a drink yet.

“It’s about us.” He says with a hint of sadness in his voice.

I c**k my head to the side and give him a quizzical look.

“Elaborate for me, Maxey.”

He looks down and he puts his face in the palms of his hands and he starts crying.

I move closer to him and I embrace him, patting his head.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” I plead with him.

He starts bawling and I just embrace him tighter.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been the perfect partner! I know I have flaws but, I want you to know I still love you. And It hurts me just as much as it hurts you.” He says while tears stream down his face.

“Oh honey, that’s an understatement.” I say softly as my eyes well up with tears as well.

I let him cry on my shoulder, and at this point I feel like he’s at his most vulnerable and I have to ask him the question.

“Do you want to get help Max? I will give up anything and everything for you to get better.” I say with more pleading in my voice.

He starts to cry more, with each wail almost getting louder and louder.

“Kevin, I don’t know what I want.”

“You can’t keep running away from this. This is real Max, and it’s all too real for me.”He looks up at me, in the most innocent way possible.

“I’m willing to do anything for you.” I say to him.

I kiss his forehead and he smiles amongst the tears.

“I know you are.” He says.

I smile at him, and stroke his face.

“So, will you get help, please?”

“Yes.”

-----

I never thought that one day I would be burying the one I loved the most. I never imagined it to be this hard, losing someone to their addiction. I never thought it would turn out this way. I feel like I should blame myself for what happened, but I can’t seem to come to terms with it.

I remember the night perfectly clear. Twas the night I asked him to get help and he agreed. I thought that night would be a fresh new start for us, but I shouldn’t have let him have one last night out. It cost him his life, and it was all because of me. I wish I could’ve told him how I truly felt and how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. I do not even wish this on my worst enemy. I want him to know that, I adore him and nothing will be the same for me. I will go on only remembering him how he was to me for the past year, a drunk. That’s not how I want to remember him. Alcoholism is a horrible disorder to watch someone you love go through, and watching it deteriorate someone’s person and who they are is terrible. You should always seek  help when you see the signs, and this is one.

Author's Note

There are still some grammar errors I haven't fixed yet, but I plan on fixing them soon. I did fix major ones that were pointed out. More to come soon!