dear journal

dear journal, 

tomorrow is the day that i have dreaded all summer. 

the day when everything turns absolute. 

i am going to see my ex for the first time since our breakup. 

for closure, of course. 

because i never got it.

for those who do not know, 

our relationship was long distance.

this is a formality i guess. 

but i am sad.

i do not want this to be the last time i see him.

i do not want this to be the last time we talk.

he had become such an important role in my life. 

i really do not want to lose him. 

everyday, 

i miss him.

i yearn for him. 

i love him. 

tomorrow could be goodbye forever. 

and i do not know if i am ready for that just yet. 

what to do, what to do?

the part that makes it worse is

a year ago tomorrow

will be the day that we lost our "innocence" 

to each other. 

i can not think of a more perfect way to do so. 

it is a day and moment that i will never forget or regret. 

so how am i supposed to let 

the most special person i have ever met

leave forever? 

i can't.

but it is something that i have to do.

there is nothing i could do or say to change his mind, right?

tomorrow is the day i have dreaded all summer. 

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

hmmmmmmmmm i see sound wisdom and courage in this entry ... i would probably tell my daughters not to bother ... seeing one another again will certainly open the wounding afresh .. and ignite a flame that will make the damage even greater ... guys are notorious for their dishonesty ... when it comes to relationships with the finer gender ;) your genuine, honest approach to telling your story makes me feel as though we are good friends talking over coffee ... right here at the Cafe' :)
E.