To Find a Cure

Erica has the same flashbacks of her drunk father and her poor victimized mother. She falls victim to PTSD and her therapist tries to cure her scrambled mind.

To Find a Cure

By: Jami Shae Woodard

“Take it all in. Take it all in, Erica. Now, wake up. ”

Over the gentle hum of the fan, screams bellow out of her and reach my ears. What do I do? Do I stay in the comfort of my clothes-filled closet floor, or do I leave my safe-place to possibly save her? I haven’t a weapon of any sort to protect myself from his cold, bloody paws. He is sure to come for me next. His footsteps grow louder. I know that next, is now. I feel vibrations from the chilling floor. Looking around, something pink catches my eye; Nike sneakers. I lace them up quickly and pile large amounts of dirty clothes on top of me in order to hopefully hide my otherwise exposed body from being seen.

“Errhh…” the door says, slowly creaking open. I cover my large mouth with my tiny hand as if that will keep me from breathing. Perfectly still, I lay there trying not to make a sound.

“Erica!” He screams, but I know better.

“Erica…” once more.

“ERICA!!!” even louder, still, no answer from me.

Seven years old and he still treats me like I’m five. He should know me better than that. This time, I knew that this game of hide and seek was real. One too many drinks and Daddy didn’t want to play anymore.

Mother told me, “Go hide and don’t come out no matter what! Do you understand?” I promised, no matter what, and I understood.

My teacher gave me the number to call in case of an emergency. 9-1-1. I think this is an emergency. I just have to get to the phone. There is one in my room. When Daddy leaves, I can get it.

He knocks my bed against the wall, cusses loudly and yells for my mother, “Teresa!”

“Jim, don’t hurt her! Leave her alone!”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know!” Slap! He hits her in the face.

“Don’t lie to me,” he cusses again (G.D.), “where the hell is she?” ‘Hell’ doesn’t sound nice, but Daddy always told me it is a place not a cuss word. I don’t get it. I can’t say it in school.

“I’m not lying! I really don’t know where she is, but you leave that poor baby alone! If you hurt her, I will kill you, you son of a…” Mommy cussed too. 

He grabbed a handful of her long blonde hair and dragged her down the hallway like a rag-doll.

“Eeyahh!! Let me go!”

“Let’s go look for our little angel, shall we?” Daddy giggled.

“Nooo! Baby, run! Where ever you are, run!” Mommy screamed.

This is my chance! I popped up out of the clothes and grabbed the phone off the night stand. While scurrying back to the cover of my closet, I dial 9-1-1.

“9-1-1. What’s your emergency?”

“My Daddy came home and drank too much, now he won’t let go of my Mommy.”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“My Dad is dragging my Mommy down the hallway by her hair. He screamed for me, but I stayed in the closet like my mom said to.”

“What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Erica.”

“Okay, Erica, do you know your address?”

“Yes. 3112 Berryhill Drive.”

“Very good, now Erica, where are you right now?”

“I’m in my closet.”

“Good and your dad?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about your mom?”

“I think she is with my dad. Can you hurry? I’m scared he is going to hurt her.”

“Okay, stay right where you are Erica. Police are on the way to your house. I want you to stay on the phone with me until they get there. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” I said, “Oh no, I can hear him coming again.”

“Stay very quiet Erica, be silent!”

I did what she said.

“Tell me when he’s gone.”

Bang! Bang… Thump. Bang! Thump. He hit the floor.

“Erica? Erica, are you okay? Hello?” The operator questioned loudly.

“He’s gone.” I cried.

“Take it all in. Take it all in, Erica. Now, wake up. ”

Everything faded into black and became one large haze. “Wake up, Erica.” I hear a voice say. Dr. Epperson was standing over me as my eyes began to open.

“Well, well… I think we have made a lot of progress this week,” he says.

“Progress?” I plea, “you don’t know anything more now than what I told you last week.”

“But, re-living your traumatic experiences helps you let go of the past. You have to learn to accept it to forget it.”

“If I wanted to re-live it, I would have stayed home and slept in MY bed. I re-live it almost every night! I’m paying you a lot of money to make this go away, but you only seem to want it to come back. What kind of therapist are you, anyway?”

“Look, Erica… If you want this to go away, you have to trust me. Come back next Thursday and we will see if you make progress at home.”

I picked up my things and left his office. Over the next week, I had no more dreams of my childhood. I was reluctant to come back to Dr. Epperson after my previous session, but I already paid him for a month’s worth.

“Ah, hello Erica! How was your week?”

“Indifferent.” I tell him.

“So it no progress?” He asks as he writes in his legal pad.

“I didn’t dream at all. Which isn’t what I wanted either. I want to be normal, with normal dreams,” I respond.

“This is only the first step. Now, we have to find something pleasant that has happened; the happiest you have ever felt and make it a reality. So, I want you to think about it, very hard, and lay on the couch again.”

I proceeded to do so, and in that moment, I began thinking of the happiest I have ever felt. It lead me to think of my mother and how much I missed her. The most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me was when she took me to see “Disney on Ice” for the first time. She looked so beautiful sitting underneath the dimming lights. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Before I knew it, I was recreating it all in my head. The wonderful smell of her perfume mixed with the smell of popcorn, nachos, and sweet snow cones filled the air. As the lights went off all around us, music started playing. A light hit the “stage”, or the ice, and a woman dressed like Snow White was singing on top of a castle. My eyes lit up with wonder. Being only 4 at the time, I sat in awe the entire show, amazed by every little thing. After the show was over, so was my dream.

I came back to the office to find Dr. Epperson standing over me as he had been the last time. “Erica, do you feel any different?”

“I do, actually. I saw my mom. I have missed her so much. I got to spend one last day with her, and… God, it was amazing.” I jumped up in rejuvenation. I needed that. I truly needed that. I needed time to say goodbye.

After that session, I have been so exultant. I haven’t had the awful dreams from the past. I have only had great dreams of future love and magnificent scenery. The therapy worked. My piece of crap dad haunts me no more and in my dreams, my mother is safe. She is safe with me.