The Hat-man and Mask-bearer Part One

A night terror I once had.

One bore a mask of crimson

Bearing a daunting leer

And malign eyes of cerulean

Searing in cold fear.

Another with worn stove-hat,

Gouges covering face,

Tightly gripping a sickly rat,

Scowls bitter disgrace.

The mask-bearer restrained,

Abiding by command

By the hat-man enchained,

Neither with whip hand.

A repugnant incense burns

Emitting a foul smoke

While a waiter pours Sauternes,

Till smoke hath him choke. 

 The waiter spatters sickly blood

As given cold shoulder,

His life drains then death flood

And his remains smolder.

The burnt corpse brings acclaim

With a wild enthusiasm

From mask-bearer whose aflame

Desiring for sadism 

From the cadaver a body arouse 

And motherly figure arise

Seeking a warm place to drowse

Holding open weary eyes

Yet, the hat-man kept his silence

With profound pondering

Ready to deliver sordid pretense

 Holding cruelty unsparing. 

Author's Note

This is based off a night terror I had once, one I actually remember. This is only the first part of it. I have yet to complete the second part. This one does need some revision, but I need outside opinion before I do so.

Reviews

[Joshua Lean]

I like this; the wordplay is mellow and unforgiving. A good write.

[char]

Awesome. I like the way you structured this. The rhyme scheme is so cool and obvious. The words you use are concise. It says alot with a few words. I also like the theme of this poem. It's shocking and a bit terrifying. I want to read part two! :)

[Kenneth Stephen Goodpaster]

Thanks, I plan on finishing part two as soon as my mind flows better. Sometimes the right words come to me better than others. I had this night terror when i was about seven or eight. I haven't had one in about 8 years, but that one really frightened me.

[Just Kim]

Wow muct have been one powerful one,
I have had lucid and out of body nightmares.
This is powerful, dark and deep.
Well written too, like the flow and rhyme scheme.

[Kenneth Stephen Goodpaster]

Thank you, this is my latest poem. I have only been writing poetry for two weeks, and found out I enjoy it.