The Miners

Cant remember the name of this kind of poem where each stanza uses the same words to end each line...anyone help?

Once more into the pit

Metal gates clang and screech together

A sudden jerk as the lift descends

Steel cables take the strain

Of the weight of twenty men

Down, down to the centre of the Earth.

 

They pass down through the Earth

Down the shaft towards the pit

"It'll make y' inta men"

Their fathers said together

But now their faces show the strain

And their mood descends.

 

Above ground the Sun descends

No more rays to warm the Earth

Back below eyes strain

In the darkness of the pit

Sweating and working together

This brotherhood of men.

 

And in this world of men

Where heart and soul descends

Taking coal out of the Earth

For their families to burn together

When they finally escape the pit

If their marriage can take the strain.

 

Now their bodies take the strain

Foreman says "Keep goin' men

Nearly time to leave the pit"

And as his voice descends

A terrible tremor in the Earth

The brotherhood of men, forever together.

 

Their wives weep together

Huddled against the strain

Upon coffins they throw the Earth

An ironic symbol for these men

And in boxes they finally descend

Once more into the pit.

 

In a lasting testament to these men

Politicians and bankers get together

"It's just not profitable you see", and so they closed the pit.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

The form is called a sestina, and they're VERY hard to write, let alone write well. You, however, manage to write a compelling and thoughtful piece quite well despite the rigid form and you are certainly to be commended! I love the imagery and the shifting scenes in this poem. You cover the impact of the miners' trials from a bunch of different angles, and that makes it so much more real, more believable. The ending is wonderful too - I sense some overtones of bitterness here: "it's not profitable you see" - not "I'm sorry that these men died" or "they lived a good life," but "it's not profitable." This is incredibly well done; thank you so much for sharing it!

[Pauline Marie Daley]

Such a sad story, but beautifully written! I also like the last two lines, it seems typical of people today. Human lives seem to matter much less than a couple big-wigs bank checks. I also like the lines "Upon coffins they throw the Earth, an ironic symbol for these men." I never really thought about it, but thats very true. Good job. :-)

[W.k.kortas]

As Emily Rose aptly notes, sestinas are pretty damn brutal to write, as they require an unusually demanding mix of preparation and execution--you just don't throw off one and have it stick to the wall, as it were. This is excellently done--the choice of wording allows the concrete and the intangible to co-exist effectively, and the piece has a narrative flavor that is very difficult to carry off in sestina. Some fine, fine writing.